Thoughts on Faith

Sometimes, a deeper blog post is needed - so here goes.

I love being a dad. Since 2003, I have had the privilege of knowing God's richest blessing of children. Even 3 poopy diapers from Tyler this afternoon can't dampen my spirits, although it does dirty my hands.....and my keyboard....ahem. . . .deeper blog post....

Often when I put my boys to bed - in fact, pretty much every night - they complain that their room is too dark. Mostly, this is driven by Micah, whose 3 (almost 4) year old imagination runs 100 miles per hour. I am guessing that every creak of our old wood floors, rustle of our Russian neighbors below us, or loud car that drives by outside moves his mind toward a tale filled full of monsters. And Tyler, being 2, emulates his brother in every way possible. When Micah doesn't want it to be dark - Tyler doesn't want it to be dark.

So, as the room is very dark when they're going to bed, sometimes I, on my way out of the room, surprisingly throw the light switch. Both brothers lying on their backs staring at the ceiling get a face-full of brilliant light, throwing them into confusion, laughter, and involuntary contortion of their little faces as their eyes quickly shut.

My favorite part is their laughter when I do it. I am not sadistic - doing this for fun to be mean; rather, I am in love with their laughter. If you are not a parent, I cannot adequately put it to words, but your child's laugh is probably the most wonderful thing to hear. Micah and Tyler react with pure honesty in each and every situation - their emotions are worn right on their sleeves. And so, when they laugh, I am told that, without a doubt, they are filled with joy - and that brings me more joy than I could ever tell.

And this just from a light switch going on. Who knew? The small things in life often bring my kids the most joy.

I think of this because I have spent recent weeks feeling as though a light has been thrown on in my life. I sometimes ride a tractor at work, mowing 90 acres and it gives me time to think and time to commune with God - whether in deep "theological" ways, or just to drink in warm sunshine and a stiff summer's breeze and know He's God. One of those days, a Caedmon's Call song got stuck in my head - ordinarily, a song that drives me a bit nuts (it's kind of catchy - but in the way that it sticks with you for a long time). It's called "Thankful" from their CD 40 Acres:
_________________
'Cause no, there is none righteous
Not one who understands
There is none who seek God
No not one, I said no not one

So I am thankful that I'm incapable
Of doing any good on my own

'Cause by grace I have been saved
Through faith that's not my own
It is a gift of God and not by works
Lest anyone should boast
_________________

And God threw the lightswitch on and probably had a lot of joy watching my soul squirm. By grace I have been saved, through faith that's not my own - it is a gift of God, and not by works.....Sure I know all this in my head, but when God (who is the only one that can do this) connects the head with the heart - it's a wonderful thing. Surely it brings Him joy to see His children have that "ah ha" moment. Faith is a gift? But wait? Isn't faith an action that I perform? Come on! Oprah tells her followers that they need to have faith - and more of it!! In what? Whatever you want! What a retard. (Maybe if I have enough faith, she'll invite Ashley to go to the "Oprah's Favorite Things" episode and she'll come home with a plasma TV and a new car....but I digress).

Modern American Christianity has bullied Christians into believing lies. "Be better". "Earn it." "Follow these steps." I've heard more lessons than I can count - from Sunday school through life into my 20's telling me strategies to bolster my beliefs - to strengthen my faith.

And it's all a lie. I don't have faith because I choose God through my pious Bible reading and reverent prayer times - as if I have ANYTHING to offer Him. He is not just another face in the myriad of immortal vendors, just hoping I'll choose Him. He is our Father, our Creator, the One and only God - the giver of all good things. And He gives faith, through Christ.

I don't get it. I cannot wrap my mind around this. How? Why? A gift? Why given to me? Why not to others?

And despite the questions in my mind, the gift of faith drives me to one thing - humility. So, wherever you, faithful blog reader of mine, are at - take a moment and ponder faith: a gift. Chances are, if you have no faith, that He wants to give it to you.

I have no answers - it's just my thoughts.....