Due to a startling lack of things to watch on television this evening, I am blogging yet again. The "just my thoughts" mentality drives me to do so. I do have thoughts, and though this is "just" them, I feel it necessary to bestow them onto the world wide web (www) for you to partake of one more time.
So, I worked today which was long and difficult. When you're not very good at what you do (as in, you've never done this before), and you work with people that are demanding - things can get tense. But, in the midst of the tension, I started thinking about construction workers.
Construction workers are an interesting dichotomy (sp?) of good and bad things. They are stereotyped as being immoral slackers that can't do anything else to be productive in society. #1 - I resent that. #2 - it is in large part true.
Truth is, I don't consider myself a construction worker. At least, I'm not a career construction worker (I've done other stuff outside of construction.) So as I listen to those whom I consider to be "career construction workers", I ponder their lives.
The good things:
-Construction workers love to get the job done right. They do not do anything half assed - at least the guys I work with.
-Construction workers demand excellence in their job performance and admit mistakes when they've made them (and, having been a part of corporate life before - I can tell you that they have more integrity this way than most people at Midland Loan Services - yack)
-Construction workers work well in teams.
-Construction workers are extremely generous with all they have.
The bad things:
-Construction workers gossip like little 8th grade girls. . . .all the time. Every conversation involves gossip about another worker, another job, the boss, the job site, whatever. . . .it's worse than "Mean Girls." "Mean Dirty Old Construction Workers" could be the sequel.
-Construction workers all think that they should be the boss. Everyone - EVERYONE - has their own unique opinion about how things should be done, what needs to happen RIGHT NOW, and how the person in charge just isn't doing it correctly.
-Construction workers all like to brown nose with their boss. BUT if they see another person brown nosing, they rip on him. For example, my boss said to another worker today: "If so and so's boss stopped fast enough, that guy would end up with sh*t on his nose". Hilarity ensues - and all the while I'm thinking, "Everyone who just laughed at this stupid joke just ended up with sh*t on their noses."
-Construction workers are deeply flawed, deeply broken, and each one hurts and is probably clinically depressed - but would never admit it. Divorce, abuse, felonies, drugs, alcohol womanizing, etc. . . .and they are all open books about it.
Anyways - I don't mean to simply rip into them. Just observations from my day today. From their perspective toward me, I know they think "That idiot guy who doesn't know how to do anything out here." How very true they are.
And as broken as they are, as messed up as they are, as much as I do not ever want to dive into friendship with any of them, as much as they essentially repulse me, I read Mt. 5:3 -
"God blesses those who realize their need for him, for the Kingdom of Heaven is given to them." (New Living)
In the midst of the perpetual circus that is work alongside these men, I find small pockets of the Kingdom of Heaven. In a conversation with Mike, my coworker: smoker, drinker, borderline bi-polar (happy and then extremely angry), he recently said to me:
"I know I smoke and drink - but I know that I trust Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. Do you think God will let me into heaven?"
Me: "I do - absolutely."
I fly Saturday to Washington to be at my Grandfather's funeral. And he, a broken man in many ways, now sits with Christ Jesus forever, because he recognized his need for a Savior.
What a great God we serve.
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Thoughts on breaking
I am at the dubious point in life where one's youth begins to be called into question. I have a good friend who has a bum hip. I have a friend who is worth millions. I have friends who have traveled to Asia, Europe, the Middle East (currently), AND Kansas City within the past 5 years. I am unable to sleep past 7:00 AM anymore. And yet, I am not in my 60's. I am 27. And my 10 year high school reunion is arriving soon. Yes, I truly am getting old.
And so I sit and think about my high school "career." Let me paint a picture in your mind:
A five foot, eleven inch dude with a hairstyle that screams "who cares?!" and a belly that screams "more cereal!!" A trombone case in his hand. A backpack slung over one shoulder. Determination in his eyes, and love in his heart.
High school. Sigh. . . .now that we've established that not much has changed since high school, let's move on.
My sister Annie has recently seen several of her old classmates - not anyone who was super close to her in school, but acquaintances/friends nonetheless. And I've started wondering where people are at. Who's successful? Who lives with their parents and plays video games in the basement all day? Did Jimmy marry Sally? Yes! And they got divorced! Great!
But where am I at? Since high school, where have I come from? Perhaps it's the end of the year that draws out the small degree of introspection that I have. Perhaps it's the fact that I have a four year old son now (no longer a baby, wow). Perhaps it's the death of a church service that meant more to me than I think even I know, and it hurts. Regardless, it's time to begin taking stock of life. Grown up? Me? I have no idea what that means.
I have no real career path which makes me wonder if I ever will. I have no real idea of what I'm capable of in life. I can't imagine what that would feel like - acquiring a skill that you are proud of. I have no idea what I'm good at in other words. And it doesn't help seeing everyone I know being an overachiever, or living dreams.
I have an amazing family life at home. THAT, at least, I know I can do well.
I have gone through highs and lows with Christ and am finding that right now, I am not at a high point. In the last of our worship services today, I could only find myself praying: "God, where are you? I don't know how to pray right now. I don't know how to repent for where I'm at." I'm burned out.
So who am I? And where do I go from here? I'm not who I want to be in so many ways. But, I'm breaking, and that's probably a good thing.
And so I sit and think about my high school "career." Let me paint a picture in your mind:
A five foot, eleven inch dude with a hairstyle that screams "who cares?!" and a belly that screams "more cereal!!" A trombone case in his hand. A backpack slung over one shoulder. Determination in his eyes, and love in his heart.
High school. Sigh. . . .now that we've established that not much has changed since high school, let's move on.
My sister Annie has recently seen several of her old classmates - not anyone who was super close to her in school, but acquaintances/friends nonetheless. And I've started wondering where people are at. Who's successful? Who lives with their parents and plays video games in the basement all day? Did Jimmy marry Sally? Yes! And they got divorced! Great!
But where am I at? Since high school, where have I come from? Perhaps it's the end of the year that draws out the small degree of introspection that I have. Perhaps it's the fact that I have a four year old son now (no longer a baby, wow). Perhaps it's the death of a church service that meant more to me than I think even I know, and it hurts. Regardless, it's time to begin taking stock of life. Grown up? Me? I have no idea what that means.
I have no real career path which makes me wonder if I ever will. I have no real idea of what I'm capable of in life. I can't imagine what that would feel like - acquiring a skill that you are proud of. I have no idea what I'm good at in other words. And it doesn't help seeing everyone I know being an overachiever, or living dreams.
I have an amazing family life at home. THAT, at least, I know I can do well.
I have gone through highs and lows with Christ and am finding that right now, I am not at a high point. In the last of our worship services today, I could only find myself praying: "God, where are you? I don't know how to pray right now. I don't know how to repent for where I'm at." I'm burned out.
So who am I? And where do I go from here? I'm not who I want to be in so many ways. But, I'm breaking, and that's probably a good thing.
Thursday, November 22, 2007
Thoughts on Thanksgiving (what? you were expecting Christmas?)
Ahhhh, thanksgiving. It's the "Diet Coke" of the Holidays. And, since I love to eat (take a good look at this blog-writer), I'd even consider this the "Diet Coke with lime" holiday. In other words - I love thanksgiving.
And, it's strange, but every Thanksgiving, I really get the sense that I need to be thinking about what I'm thankful for. I don't know, it's weird how it works, but sometimes I just feel like today would be a good day to give thanks. Maybe it comes from the root of the word "Thanksgiving."
Published author Jack Handy advocates that to truly understand the meaning of a word, you need to look at the root word origins that make up your new word. Handy states:
"Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself: "Mankind". Basically, it's made up of two separate words - "mank" and "ind". What do these words mean ? It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind."
Handy is right, obviously.
Fortunately, thanksgiving is an easier topic than mankind. Giving thanks. . . .only reversed.
And so I wake up this morning giving thanks. Here are some things I'm thankful for, in no particular order.
I'm thankful for the Kansas City fall. I'm grateful for the orange leaves that now grace my driveway. I am grateful to see a few flurries of snow on the ground right now - especially since I am currently inside the house where it is warm. This will probably change on Monday when I'm outside. On Monday, I'm grateful for warm clothes.
I'm grateful for my kids. I'm grateful for Micah - now a 4 year old - and sharp as a tack. I'm grateful for the way he speaks so well, and enjoys doing so so much that he actually says words while he's breathing in. I'm grateful for the way he prays before dinner and bed time - how he loves people so much, how he cares about others' feelings, and how he gives everyone a chance - even the mean kids on the playgrounds (who will get nothing but coal this year. . . .the little bastards).
I'm grateful as well for Tyler. 2 and a half and a bundle of life and joy wherever he goes. I'm grateful for his sense of humor. I love laughing with him and seeing him make others laugh. I love that wherever he goes, he smiles, and he gives that smile to others. I love how much he loves his big brother - always - and how he is able to go into a room alone and play for hours, giving voice to each and every toy he plays with (almost always a very high pitched voice).
I love my wife and am grateful for her. And I don't want that to sound like a cliche, simply because we're married. I love her - truly and deeply. I love her heart, her wisdom, her looks, her laugh. I love seeing her come alive as a photography talent is grown. I love seeing her cuddle our kids. I love spending time with her more than anyone else, and alternately miss her whenever I'm not around her. I love that we've been married for 6 and a half years and that it doesn't feel old or stale; and I love being able to dream of the future with her. I love my wife. I love thinking about Thanksgivings with her for years.
I'm grateful for my family - both here and away. My mom and dad, all three sisters, Kent and Elizabeth - I am grateful for you all. I was blessed to be with my whole family for Thanksgiving this year. I have Christmas with Kent and Eliz to look forward to. I'm thankful for family - for years of memories building up to this Thanksgiving moment. I love knowing that there are more memories coming also. I tell you, it's weird to see your siblings all grown up.
I'm thankful for my friends. Even the ones who don't comment. I'm grateful and thank God for new life growing in Jane, and that Jerome is the man with skills - despite their blatant lack of commenting power (hi guys). I'm so thankful for them and their boys (and maybe a girl? probably not!)
I'm grateful for laughter bestowed upon me through my friends Tim and Krysten in Kuwait. Yes, Kuwait. I'm thankful for their insight into the world around them - truly talented people. Their blog is koehnoscopy.blogspot.com - go read it. Mostly, I'm grateful that I'm actually going to see them at Christmas time. Oh man, I'm grateful for that.
I'm grateful for the deep caring heart of Devon and Zak - I'm grateful how much they love my wife and I and our kids. I'm thankful that everything that makes me laugh - makes them laugh too. I love laughing with those guys. And I'm ultra grateful for my Christmas present. . . .an NYC trip in December. (are you freaking kidding me?) Thanks, and that hardly covers it.
I'm thankful for Sarah in mexico. I'm thankful for her heart to serve the Lord and how He has blessed her work down there. I'm thankful hearing about a special friend in her life. . . a boyfriend;) She also comments on the blog. I'm thankful.
I'm thankful for other old friends. But I'm so thankful for growing new friendships. The Walkers and Eubanks in particular - like family to us here. They have stood beside us in some difficult moments, and I love being able to stand beside them in the midst of life's trials also. Community is incredible. Watching Megan and Bret growing a child is incredible - watching Genny and Carol raise their newborn daughter is incredible. I love these guys.
Ok, this post could grow to epic lengths if I keep going. If you feel like I "left you out" - sorry. I probably did. Sheesh, stop crying!
The point is, I am cynical and pretty good at picking out life's problems and troubles and dwelling on those. I miss out on the little blessings around me as a result. But - I am thankful for you all - the people in my life. Be blessed today as you shop. Enjoy the zoo that is Christmas in America. You all make my life beautiful and I am grateful.
And, it's strange, but every Thanksgiving, I really get the sense that I need to be thinking about what I'm thankful for. I don't know, it's weird how it works, but sometimes I just feel like today would be a good day to give thanks. Maybe it comes from the root of the word "Thanksgiving."
Published author Jack Handy advocates that to truly understand the meaning of a word, you need to look at the root word origins that make up your new word. Handy states:
"Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself: "Mankind". Basically, it's made up of two separate words - "mank" and "ind". What do these words mean ? It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind."
Handy is right, obviously.
Fortunately, thanksgiving is an easier topic than mankind. Giving thanks. . . .only reversed.
And so I wake up this morning giving thanks. Here are some things I'm thankful for, in no particular order.
I'm thankful for the Kansas City fall. I'm grateful for the orange leaves that now grace my driveway. I am grateful to see a few flurries of snow on the ground right now - especially since I am currently inside the house where it is warm. This will probably change on Monday when I'm outside. On Monday, I'm grateful for warm clothes.
I'm grateful for my kids. I'm grateful for Micah - now a 4 year old - and sharp as a tack. I'm grateful for the way he speaks so well, and enjoys doing so so much that he actually says words while he's breathing in. I'm grateful for the way he prays before dinner and bed time - how he loves people so much, how he cares about others' feelings, and how he gives everyone a chance - even the mean kids on the playgrounds (who will get nothing but coal this year. . . .the little bastards).
I'm grateful as well for Tyler. 2 and a half and a bundle of life and joy wherever he goes. I'm grateful for his sense of humor. I love laughing with him and seeing him make others laugh. I love that wherever he goes, he smiles, and he gives that smile to others. I love how much he loves his big brother - always - and how he is able to go into a room alone and play for hours, giving voice to each and every toy he plays with (almost always a very high pitched voice).
I love my wife and am grateful for her. And I don't want that to sound like a cliche, simply because we're married. I love her - truly and deeply. I love her heart, her wisdom, her looks, her laugh. I love seeing her come alive as a photography talent is grown. I love seeing her cuddle our kids. I love spending time with her more than anyone else, and alternately miss her whenever I'm not around her. I love that we've been married for 6 and a half years and that it doesn't feel old or stale; and I love being able to dream of the future with her. I love my wife. I love thinking about Thanksgivings with her for years.
I'm grateful for my family - both here and away. My mom and dad, all three sisters, Kent and Elizabeth - I am grateful for you all. I was blessed to be with my whole family for Thanksgiving this year. I have Christmas with Kent and Eliz to look forward to. I'm thankful for family - for years of memories building up to this Thanksgiving moment. I love knowing that there are more memories coming also. I tell you, it's weird to see your siblings all grown up.
I'm thankful for my friends. Even the ones who don't comment. I'm grateful and thank God for new life growing in Jane, and that Jerome is the man with skills - despite their blatant lack of commenting power (hi guys). I'm so thankful for them and their boys (and maybe a girl? probably not!)
I'm grateful for laughter bestowed upon me through my friends Tim and Krysten in Kuwait. Yes, Kuwait. I'm thankful for their insight into the world around them - truly talented people. Their blog is koehnoscopy.blogspot.com - go read it. Mostly, I'm grateful that I'm actually going to see them at Christmas time. Oh man, I'm grateful for that.
I'm grateful for the deep caring heart of Devon and Zak - I'm grateful how much they love my wife and I and our kids. I'm thankful that everything that makes me laugh - makes them laugh too. I love laughing with those guys. And I'm ultra grateful for my Christmas present. . . .an NYC trip in December. (are you freaking kidding me?) Thanks, and that hardly covers it.
I'm thankful for Sarah in mexico. I'm thankful for her heart to serve the Lord and how He has blessed her work down there. I'm thankful hearing about a special friend in her life. . . a boyfriend;) She also comments on the blog. I'm thankful.
I'm thankful for other old friends. But I'm so thankful for growing new friendships. The Walkers and Eubanks in particular - like family to us here. They have stood beside us in some difficult moments, and I love being able to stand beside them in the midst of life's trials also. Community is incredible. Watching Megan and Bret growing a child is incredible - watching Genny and Carol raise their newborn daughter is incredible. I love these guys.
Ok, this post could grow to epic lengths if I keep going. If you feel like I "left you out" - sorry. I probably did. Sheesh, stop crying!
The point is, I am cynical and pretty good at picking out life's problems and troubles and dwelling on those. I miss out on the little blessings around me as a result. But - I am thankful for you all - the people in my life. Be blessed today as you shop. Enjoy the zoo that is Christmas in America. You all make my life beautiful and I am grateful.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Thoughts on being sorry
I have deleted the couch post. For those who haven't read that post, don't ask. Not my proudest moment.
I'm sorry for glorifying something that was blatantly wrong. I've asked for forgiveness from Jesus and am asking Him to deal with my heart - break it, mold it, whatever.
Sigh. . . .onward.
JP
I'm sorry for glorifying something that was blatantly wrong. I've asked for forgiveness from Jesus and am asking Him to deal with my heart - break it, mold it, whatever.
Sigh. . . .onward.
JP
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Thoughts on worship
Let's move on from that last blog post. . . .can I have a mulligan? Probably shouldn't have glorified that event like I did. Sheesh, I'm pretty wretched sometimes. And this post will be no different. Buckle up.
Some stuff transpired on Sunday in our church service that has set off a wild set of events in my head. Basically, while attending a church meeting (awesome) after the service, I had a case of verbal diarhea, spewing forth months (and years) worth of pent up frustration and anger. And I now am left with the "what now" in the wake of it. The meeting had to do with the worship service that I've been leading worship at. And, as is the case with Christ, He seems to take great pleasure in using all events to teach and instruct, and help them to get to the bottom of where our hearts are now.
I was going on 4 and a half hours of sleep yesterday evening while driving to the grocery store up the hill. I got in the car, started it, turned left onto Meyer to settle in for my 25 second drive - and a thought occured to me.
"Hey, you know what would be great? A Christian American Idol!!"
And then, in the next 25 seconds, it played out in my head, and I have it all planned out. Here's a sample script:
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
"Live, from COLORADO SPRINGS! It's AMERICAN CHRISTIAN IDOL!!!" (crowd made up of mostly youth group girls goes crazy)
"Tonight, we have our two FINALISTS in the running to see who rocks the hardest, sings the purest, and praises the holiest!! (crowd goes crazy) The winner gets a recording contract worth $500.00 and a gift certificate to Family Christian Stores! (crowd goes crazy).
"Let's meet our Finalists!! First Darrell Evans! (crowd goes wild)"
Host: "Darrell, you've been a worship leader for a long time, how do you feel to be a finalist in American Worship Idol?"
Darrell: "I feel great, although, makeup takes a bit longer than normal when you're on Faith TV."
Host: "Don't I know it! Darrell, what will you be performing tonight?"
Darrell: I'm going to play my song "Trading My Sorrows."
Host: "And what's it about?"
Darrell: "It's actually about taking my sorrows and trading them."
Host: "Wow, I can't wait. Folks, here's Darrell Evans."
(sings the song)
Host: "Yes Lord, Yes Lord, Yes Yes LORD! Darrell Evans!! Let's see what the judges had to say!"
Judge 1 - Jim Smith, a youth paztor (spelled with a z): "whooaaa dawg, you had this crowd PUMPED (crowd cheers). I loved your stage presence, and you really did a nice job with your E minor chords. Props!" (crowd cheers)
Judge 2 - Chris Chen, pastor's wife: "I just think you are terrific. Praise the Lord!" (crowd cheers)
Judge 3 - Lymon Scowl, BIG TIME worship music producer/judge from the UK: (in his british accent) "Look, when we started the competition, we wanted to see who was the best person at leading Christians into worship. And so we were looking for someone who was A) Good looking, B) Talented, and C) is a Christian. You are definitely a Christian and are talented, but I just don't know about your looks. (crowd boos) LOOK, I'm just being honest like the bible says. . . .
Host: "Ok, time for contestent #2 - CHRIS TOMLIN!! (crowd goes double crazy). Hey Chris, how do you feel right now?"
Chris: "I feel like, you know, awesome!"
Host: "haha - WOW! And how has this experience been?"
Chris: "It's been just awesome. I mean, the crowds are awesome (cheers), and the food is awesome."
Host: "You bet! Awesome! AWESOME! What song are you going to sing?"
Chris: "It's a song called "how great is our God". In it, I pose a question: How great is our God? Hopefully, the audience knows just how great."
Host: "Wow, a worship song with a question? Are we ready? Here's Chris!"
(plays the song)
Host: "And let's see what the judges said!"
Judge 1 - "Wow Dawg, you were unchained tonight in your reverence. . . .AND your rockability. Great usage of the hand raising in the middle of the song. I love the gucci shades! You are the complete worship leader package. For my money, you're my American Christian Idol."
Chris: "Wow, thanks."
Judge 2 - "You are so hot. I mean, I love my husband, but ooooh man, I could just"
Host: "Ok, and 3rd judge?"
Judge 3 - "Let's see. You're a Christian, talented, and are so good looking. It's that simple - you're the winner".
Host: "Let's see what America said in their voting. It's Chris - he's the winner! America has voted - and the worship that Chris plays is actually BETTER than EVERYONE ELSE'S!! He wins the $500.00 recording contract and the Family Christian stores gift certificate!"
Darrell: "But that's not what worship is..."
Host: "Sit down, 2nd place, when Chris sings it, God is more blessed - and so are Americans!!"
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
It's destined to be an instant hit.
I think what it really gets at in me is a real weariness of what worship is "supposed to be." For 18 months, I've led worship for a tiny service at a big church. People did come and did worship, but it certainly hasn't looked like I hoped. We put together a service in hopes that we'd reach out to a new generation. We want community, we want to see the Gospel lived out. We want to live as a Kingdom outpost here as a "City within a city". We desire "kingdom living". What we have:
-a church service
-performing
-just "pulling it off" each week in hopes of higher numbers.
Sad. And I point the finger at myself first. But here's what I'm tired of;
The ideal "American worship experience." I've been caught in that bullshit trap for way too long. When people my age talk to each other about church, often one of the first things asked is "how's the worship?" How's the worship? Or, translated, how's the band? Are they cool? Are they still playing lame old songs? How's the drummer? Are the singers really good? Do a lot of people already go to the church? Is it exciting?
To think that I have any responsibility over the heart of another Christian is crap - but yet I've lived that way, beating myself up over low attendance, feeling embarrassed on the sundays that were particularly sparse. Sunday after Sunday, arriving to lead music for a group of people who much of the time are mouthing the words, staring at their feet, or the screen, or whatever. And no, I'm not blaming the people that are showing up. But I think it's time to realize that when churches are exploding with growth amongst 20's and 30's, and others aren't, there's a religious "vendor war" going on out there, and for whatever reason, our service hasn't provided the right goods and services.
Jesus forgive me for believing this crap. Forgive me for being caught up into this version of church, more than into You.
No, I never ever ever ever expected to be some big hot-shot worship leader. No, I don't want to play at the passion conferences. I wanted to see more people worship Christ. But instead I saw myself slip into a rut of performance, turning my sabbath days into days wallowing in my shame. "Maybe I'll do better next week." Bullshit.
I'm tired, pissed. It's nobody's fault for the condition of my heart but my own. It's not a heart that cries out: "Jesus, I need you for who you are."
Some stuff transpired on Sunday in our church service that has set off a wild set of events in my head. Basically, while attending a church meeting (awesome) after the service, I had a case of verbal diarhea, spewing forth months (and years) worth of pent up frustration and anger. And I now am left with the "what now" in the wake of it. The meeting had to do with the worship service that I've been leading worship at. And, as is the case with Christ, He seems to take great pleasure in using all events to teach and instruct, and help them to get to the bottom of where our hearts are now.
I was going on 4 and a half hours of sleep yesterday evening while driving to the grocery store up the hill. I got in the car, started it, turned left onto Meyer to settle in for my 25 second drive - and a thought occured to me.
"Hey, you know what would be great? A Christian American Idol!!"
And then, in the next 25 seconds, it played out in my head, and I have it all planned out. Here's a sample script:
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
"Live, from COLORADO SPRINGS! It's AMERICAN CHRISTIAN IDOL!!!" (crowd made up of mostly youth group girls goes crazy)
"Tonight, we have our two FINALISTS in the running to see who rocks the hardest, sings the purest, and praises the holiest!! (crowd goes crazy) The winner gets a recording contract worth $500.00 and a gift certificate to Family Christian Stores! (crowd goes crazy).
"Let's meet our Finalists!! First Darrell Evans! (crowd goes wild)"
Host: "Darrell, you've been a worship leader for a long time, how do you feel to be a finalist in American Worship Idol?"
Darrell: "I feel great, although, makeup takes a bit longer than normal when you're on Faith TV."
Host: "Don't I know it! Darrell, what will you be performing tonight?"
Darrell: I'm going to play my song "Trading My Sorrows."
Host: "And what's it about?"
Darrell: "It's actually about taking my sorrows and trading them."
Host: "Wow, I can't wait. Folks, here's Darrell Evans."
(sings the song)
Host: "Yes Lord, Yes Lord, Yes Yes LORD! Darrell Evans!! Let's see what the judges had to say!"
Judge 1 - Jim Smith, a youth paztor (spelled with a z): "whooaaa dawg, you had this crowd PUMPED (crowd cheers). I loved your stage presence, and you really did a nice job with your E minor chords. Props!" (crowd cheers)
Judge 2 - Chris Chen, pastor's wife: "I just think you are terrific. Praise the Lord!" (crowd cheers)
Judge 3 - Lymon Scowl, BIG TIME worship music producer/judge from the UK: (in his british accent) "Look, when we started the competition, we wanted to see who was the best person at leading Christians into worship. And so we were looking for someone who was A) Good looking, B) Talented, and C) is a Christian. You are definitely a Christian and are talented, but I just don't know about your looks. (crowd boos) LOOK, I'm just being honest like the bible says. . . .
Host: "Ok, time for contestent #2 - CHRIS TOMLIN!! (crowd goes double crazy). Hey Chris, how do you feel right now?"
Chris: "I feel like, you know, awesome!"
Host: "haha - WOW! And how has this experience been?"
Chris: "It's been just awesome. I mean, the crowds are awesome (cheers), and the food is awesome."
Host: "You bet! Awesome! AWESOME! What song are you going to sing?"
Chris: "It's a song called "how great is our God". In it, I pose a question: How great is our God? Hopefully, the audience knows just how great."
Host: "Wow, a worship song with a question? Are we ready? Here's Chris!"
(plays the song)
Host: "And let's see what the judges said!"
Judge 1 - "Wow Dawg, you were unchained tonight in your reverence. . . .AND your rockability. Great usage of the hand raising in the middle of the song. I love the gucci shades! You are the complete worship leader package. For my money, you're my American Christian Idol."
Chris: "Wow, thanks."
Judge 2 - "You are so hot. I mean, I love my husband, but ooooh man, I could just"
Host: "Ok, and 3rd judge?"
Judge 3 - "Let's see. You're a Christian, talented, and are so good looking. It's that simple - you're the winner".
Host: "Let's see what America said in their voting. It's Chris - he's the winner! America has voted - and the worship that Chris plays is actually BETTER than EVERYONE ELSE'S!! He wins the $500.00 recording contract and the Family Christian stores gift certificate!"
Darrell: "But that's not what worship is..."
Host: "Sit down, 2nd place, when Chris sings it, God is more blessed - and so are Americans!!"
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
It's destined to be an instant hit.
I think what it really gets at in me is a real weariness of what worship is "supposed to be." For 18 months, I've led worship for a tiny service at a big church. People did come and did worship, but it certainly hasn't looked like I hoped. We put together a service in hopes that we'd reach out to a new generation. We want community, we want to see the Gospel lived out. We want to live as a Kingdom outpost here as a "City within a city". We desire "kingdom living". What we have:
-a church service
-performing
-just "pulling it off" each week in hopes of higher numbers.
Sad. And I point the finger at myself first. But here's what I'm tired of;
The ideal "American worship experience." I've been caught in that bullshit trap for way too long. When people my age talk to each other about church, often one of the first things asked is "how's the worship?" How's the worship? Or, translated, how's the band? Are they cool? Are they still playing lame old songs? How's the drummer? Are the singers really good? Do a lot of people already go to the church? Is it exciting?
To think that I have any responsibility over the heart of another Christian is crap - but yet I've lived that way, beating myself up over low attendance, feeling embarrassed on the sundays that were particularly sparse. Sunday after Sunday, arriving to lead music for a group of people who much of the time are mouthing the words, staring at their feet, or the screen, or whatever. And no, I'm not blaming the people that are showing up. But I think it's time to realize that when churches are exploding with growth amongst 20's and 30's, and others aren't, there's a religious "vendor war" going on out there, and for whatever reason, our service hasn't provided the right goods and services.
Jesus forgive me for believing this crap. Forgive me for being caught up into this version of church, more than into You.
No, I never ever ever ever expected to be some big hot-shot worship leader. No, I don't want to play at the passion conferences. I wanted to see more people worship Christ. But instead I saw myself slip into a rut of performance, turning my sabbath days into days wallowing in my shame. "Maybe I'll do better next week." Bullshit.
I'm tired, pissed. It's nobody's fault for the condition of my heart but my own. It's not a heart that cries out: "Jesus, I need you for who you are."
Thursday, November 8, 2007
Thoughts on billboards
Unintentional comedy is one of the greatest creations of God's hand. Thank you, Jesus, for giving us laughter out of things that aren't meant to be funny. It's truly His redemptive work. Example:
-or-
Funny, although not meant to be originally.
Ashley and I marvel at the unintentional comedy we see around us daily. It's one of the things I love about her. We laugh at our kids when they try to get really mad over nothing and turn out to be so cute. We laugh at the mundane things of life. We laugh at church. . . .
Church? Really? What's so funny about church? Jeremy, church is serious business - it's the hospital. . . .for the sick. . . .soul. Do you WANT to burn in hell?
The answer is no. But here's a small piece of advice for churches. Please, churches, please please please, take down the freaking signs you put up out front for all passersby to see. Please - you embarass me greatly. Please, I beg you - do not EVER put up in front of your church, any of the following:
God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called.
The task ahead of us is never as great as the Power behind us.
Have you read my #1 best seller? There's going to be a test. - God
We don't change the message, the message changes us.
Don't put a question mark where God put a period.
We need to talk - God
Be ye fishers of men. You catch 'em - He'll clean 'em.
Let's meet at my house Sunday, before the game - God
God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.
C'mon over and bring the kids - God
Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.
What part of "Thou Shalt Not..." didn't you understand? - God
Keep using my name in vain, I'll make rush hour longer - God
Loved the wedding, invite me to the marriage - God
God grades on the cross, not the curve.
That "Love They Neighbor" thing... I meant it - God
I love you and you and you and you and... - God
Will the road you're on get you to my place? - God
God loves everyone, but probably prefers "fruits of the spirit" over "religious nuts!"
Follow me - God
The Will of God will never take you to where the Grace of God will not protect you.
Big Bang theory, you've got to be kidding - God
My way is the highway - God
Prayer: Don't give God instructions - just report for duty!
Don't wait for 6 strong men to take you to church.
You think it's hot here? - God
Most people want to serve God, but only in an advisory capacity.
Do you have any idea where you're going? - God
Don't make me come down there - God
Forbidden fruits create many jams.
Want to make God laugh? Tell him your future plans.
He who angers you, controls you!
If God is your Co-pilot - swap seats!
God Answers Knee-Mail
Memberships available free to everyone under the son.
The Bible is Not Antique, Nor is it Modern, it is Eternal.
Forbidden fruit creates many jams.
If you don't like the way you were born, try being born again.
Come work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours are long and the pay is low. But the retirement benefits are out of this world.
Turn Life's Cares into Prayers.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
Thoughts? I love all of them that end with "-God".
-or-
Funny, although not meant to be originally.
Ashley and I marvel at the unintentional comedy we see around us daily. It's one of the things I love about her. We laugh at our kids when they try to get really mad over nothing and turn out to be so cute. We laugh at the mundane things of life. We laugh at church. . . .
Church? Really? What's so funny about church? Jeremy, church is serious business - it's the hospital. . . .for the sick. . . .soul. Do you WANT to burn in hell?
The answer is no. But here's a small piece of advice for churches. Please, churches, please please please, take down the freaking signs you put up out front for all passersby to see. Please - you embarass me greatly. Please, I beg you - do not EVER put up in front of your church, any of the following:
God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called.
The task ahead of us is never as great as the Power behind us.
Have you read my #1 best seller? There's going to be a test. - God
We don't change the message, the message changes us.
Don't put a question mark where God put a period.
We need to talk - God
Be ye fishers of men. You catch 'em - He'll clean 'em.
Let's meet at my house Sunday, before the game - God
God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.
C'mon over and bring the kids - God
Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.
What part of "Thou Shalt Not..." didn't you understand? - God
Keep using my name in vain, I'll make rush hour longer - God
Loved the wedding, invite me to the marriage - God
God grades on the cross, not the curve.
That "Love They Neighbor" thing... I meant it - God
I love you and you and you and you and... - God
Will the road you're on get you to my place? - God
God loves everyone, but probably prefers "fruits of the spirit" over "religious nuts!"
Follow me - God
The Will of God will never take you to where the Grace of God will not protect you.
Big Bang theory, you've got to be kidding - God
My way is the highway - God
Prayer: Don't give God instructions - just report for duty!
Don't wait for 6 strong men to take you to church.
You think it's hot here? - God
Most people want to serve God, but only in an advisory capacity.
Do you have any idea where you're going? - God
Don't make me come down there - God
Forbidden fruits create many jams.
Want to make God laugh? Tell him your future plans.
He who angers you, controls you!
If God is your Co-pilot - swap seats!
God Answers Knee-Mail
Memberships available free to everyone under the son.
The Bible is Not Antique, Nor is it Modern, it is Eternal.
Forbidden fruit creates many jams.
If you don't like the way you were born, try being born again.
Come work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours are long and the pay is low. But the retirement benefits are out of this world.
Turn Life's Cares into Prayers.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
Thoughts? I love all of them that end with "-God".
Saturday, November 3, 2007
Thoughts on cynicism
Cynicism becomes me. What can I say? I am unsure if I should feel guilty about it, or if I should embrace my inner cynicism, ask God to channel it, and make me the most cut throat, acid-tongued evangelist crusader for Christ ever? Probably the latter because, when confronted by trials and tribulations that life brings, I'll just compare them to an awful song by Sandi Patti or Twila Paris, etc. and laugh my way out of them.
"This situation sucks, but at least I have Twila's 'God is in control' to listen to."
"Man, church was lame today. The crowd was smaller than Sandi Patti's last tour."
"I feel very embarassed today. At least I'm not as embarassing as Avalon."
"Work was so boring today. I felt like I was listening to Susan Ashton's latest."
"I had a really tough decision to make today. At least I didn't have to decide between listening to BeBe or CeCe."
I find myself in that place of life now. . .
Maybe it's just that life isn't easy - life is full, busy, and things don't always go how I hope they would. True.
Maybe it's that Christian music is that easy to rip on. True.
Maybe I am wicked to the core. True.
Maybe I should repent. True.
Maybe THEY should repent for making me feel the way I do. DOUBLE TRUE.
Guilt comes creeping at the doorway of my heart, threatening me with thoughts of losing God's blessing for thinking such thoughts about His followers and those that obviously have larger ministries than me. But. . . .I slam the door in its face. Why? Because I identify all of the above with religious culture; culture responsible for people I know who say things like "I am teaching my kids to be good people to earn God's blessing." People who ridicule homosexuals for being sinners while ignoring their own sin. People who ignore the need for change in church, thinking that everything is fine the way it's been, while a new generation is ignored, and subsequently blamed, for the church's decline. I call it like I see it. Cynicism?
Yes, I am cynical. May God use it as an agent of change and forgive me for the rest.
"This situation sucks, but at least I have Twila's 'God is in control' to listen to."
"Man, church was lame today. The crowd was smaller than Sandi Patti's last tour."
"I feel very embarassed today. At least I'm not as embarassing as Avalon."
"Work was so boring today. I felt like I was listening to Susan Ashton's latest."
"I had a really tough decision to make today. At least I didn't have to decide between listening to BeBe or CeCe."I find myself in that place of life now. . .
Maybe it's just that life isn't easy - life is full, busy, and things don't always go how I hope they would. True.
Maybe it's that Christian music is that easy to rip on. True.
Maybe I am wicked to the core. True.
Maybe I should repent. True.
Maybe THEY should repent for making me feel the way I do. DOUBLE TRUE.
Guilt comes creeping at the doorway of my heart, threatening me with thoughts of losing God's blessing for thinking such thoughts about His followers and those that obviously have larger ministries than me. But. . . .I slam the door in its face. Why? Because I identify all of the above with religious culture; culture responsible for people I know who say things like "I am teaching my kids to be good people to earn God's blessing." People who ridicule homosexuals for being sinners while ignoring their own sin. People who ignore the need for change in church, thinking that everything is fine the way it's been, while a new generation is ignored, and subsequently blamed, for the church's decline. I call it like I see it. Cynicism?
Yes, I am cynical. May God use it as an agent of change and forgive me for the rest.
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