Thoughts on Communion

I've been a Christian since I was seven. I went through a "non-radical" conversion experience, praying with my Dad on the top bunk in San Jose, CA with my sister Annie (who, at this point, is the only person who has ever commented on my blog – Annie, if you have ever met her, is incredibly cool – far more so than me). I've been a "church-goer" all of my life; typically, I've been a "do-gooder" (some will dispute this – they're liars) - I know the Bible okay, lead worship and generally lead a small church service, I pay taxes, am faithful to my wife, love my family, don't embezzle funds from work, and am a good friend to those who want me as their friend.

Yet as I've grown as a man, grown in Christ, grown in knowledge – I'm finding again just how much I don't know.

The sacrament of communion is something that I have always had a pretty hard time understanding. Not cognitively understanding, mind you, but spiritually and emotionally understanding. How does one identify with communion? Body and blood, bread and wine, crackers and juice, whatever – what does it all mean? I've heard Dad say the words of institution before communion probably 200+ times in my life. "…for as often as you eat this bread, and drink this cup, you proclaim the Lord's death until His return".

And I can understand the theology behind it. We remember Christ's death for us – that His body was broken, that His blood was shed – but that ultimately, He rose from death so that all that trust Him might live with Him and through Him forever. The words aren't hard to grasp for me – this has been taught to me since a very young age. But, am I missing something else? After all, communion for most is a very somber time – tears, kneeling, worship. I have never doubted people's hearts surrounding communion times and don't at all judge them – this is simply to say that I have personally always wanted to connect the "head" with the "heart" like it appears that they have. After all, shouldn't the reminder of Christ's death and resurrection be the best news? Shouldn't I, at the very mention of this, fall on my face in worship? If God is real, and if the Bible is His word like I proclaim it is – then shouldn't the truth of the Gospel drive me to my knees? God's grace should never be taken lightly – and I have never meant to take it that way. But only He can illuminate this to my heart.

Leading worship can also (unfortunately) become mundane. Church becomes about church and the "process" of pulling the service off. Ministry, as Crawford LaRitz has spoken, is not about "nickels and noses", it's about intimacy with God. And who should understand that more deeply than the worship leader? Surely the worship leader must get it, right? The guy that has his eyes closed up front? He must really have it together. Let me tell you firmly, I do not.

My mind was swimming with worry – we had 3 out of the 5 "regular" worship band members tell me they couldn't come (including 2 that could be on their way out of it because of stuff unrelated to church – at least for a couple months) which filled my mind with worry about the future of our group; we had what seemed like 4 people at 4:58 which also filled my mind with worry about the stability of the service; we had little boys running all over the place playing before the service which caused some worry; and "performing" music in front of people, by nature, brings out worry in me. The worry built like a symphony of white noise, driving me into a shell where I could function but in a machine-like way.

But, isn't it like the Holy Spirit to calm those storms, even in the midst of my unbelief? My friend Jerome and his wife Jane sat in with us to help us lead worship. And as my dear friend sang "Carried to the Table", it became apparent – this is what communion is about. And the white noise died, God showed up, and subtly showed me a new depth of His love.

I was carried to the table, seated where I don't belong
Carried to the table - swept away by His love
And I don't see my brokenness anymore
When I'm seated at the table of the Lord
I'm carried to the table - the table of the Lord

"Church" faded away. Truth illuminated itself. And as I looked out at the congregation singing, listening, meeting with the Lord, it struck me more deeply: He carries us to His table in community. The people of God, the bride of Christ – saved, rescued, freed, by Him and for Him. Communion is so much more than just remembering Christ's work done for me. It's the paramount work of our Savior for all mankind – He did this for everyone. To my shame, I get so self-focused that it's about me and His saving of me from my sin. He does save me, but my Savior is so much bigger than that.

We're carried to the table – seated where we don't belong – together, with Christ, for eternity. Our Savior, the great Hero of the story, has carried us all there – broken, messed up, lonely, hurting people – seated together in community, with Christ at the head of the table – forever.

Communion reminds me of His death and resurrection.
Communion binds us together in Him.
Communion fuels our future hope.
Communion restores broken relationships.
Communion restores strength today.


And it drives me to worship.