just my thoughts...

Thoughts on an ego boost

2008-05-31T11:48:00.000-07:00

When you need an ego boost....

When you feel bad about yourself....

When your ride is totally un-cool or un-chic (see: 1997 Grand Caravan Sport)....

Go to: www.streetkiaz.com

Yes. At least you're not that guy.

Driving a Kia.

Spending hundreds or thousands to soup it up.

Displaying a sticker on the side of your car.

Driving near my home in Kansas City.

Being made fun of by me...in my 94 corolla.

STREETKIAZ.COM

I feel great.

Thoughts on thought inducing

2008-05-26T08:11:00.000-07:00

I listen to 96.5, "the buzz" in Kansas City. It's the alternative music station and typically has great stuff. Some stuff, take it or leave it, but the majority is good. They're sponsoring the Death Cab/Rogue Wave show this weekend that I will MISS because I'll be out of town at a wedding.

Listening to that station, I discovered the song "handlebars" by the flobots. Have you heard it? Thought inducing lyrics. I have listened to it many times. Makes me really wrestle with being an american, with being in a powerful nation, and what we do with that power. This is not an "anti war" blog post. It's more a post about what it really means to be human - and live in a broken world with 6 billion plus other humans.

Here's a video I found for it. Not sure if it's the main video, but I liked this version the most (I only watched 2 videos). There's a couple quick violent images in it, in case you're 6 years old and stalking my blog.

What do you do with this? It's Memorial Day. Yes we remember our troops. Should we also remember the other sides of those conflicts? Should we be remembering the broken in China who lost their loved ones and families in the earthquake? Should we be remembering the economies we devastate by taking all of their corn. . . .for our ethanol fuel?

Just thinking about that stuff today.

Thoughts on funny shows

2008-05-22T12:09:00.000-07:00

I'm self employed - home everyday, and I have far LESS time than before to watch TV. So, I sit and remember those shows that truly have made my life brighter - laughter being their tool on my soul. So this post is simply about that: funny shows, my favorites, and ones I'm hopeful that you like also, hopefully more than my piece of "art" below. 1 comment - from Tim. And Krysten is mad at me for posting it - getting her hopes up that it would be a real piece of art. My mom has strongly suggested I take it off. I probably will. It's not kind - but I mean, sheesh, the BACK DOOR?????

Anyways - my top 5 favorite funny shows.
**Disclaimer, I almost used Grays Anatomy - high on the unintentional comedy scale. I mean, typical dialogue:
"Why are you so upset?"
"Because I'm a SURGEON, and I do SURGERIES, and I live for those SURGERIES, and we're SURGEONS."
"I am a SURGEON too. I like to do SURGERIES too, and I too, live for those SURGERIES. We are definitely SURGEONS doing SURGERIES."
"Want to have sex?"
"Okay."
(sex commences - awkward sex most of the time because someone is getting cheated on.)

In order from #5 to #1:

#5:
Saturday Night Live. Why? It's never "lost it" as far as I'm concerned. Farley and Mike Myers replaced by Will Ferrell and Molly Shannon replaced now by Bill Hader and Andy Samberg and many others. Case in point:

PUT YOUR TAPE DECKS ON RECORD....1995

#4:
30 Rock
It stops me in my tracks every time I watch it because it's so quick witted and sarcastic. Tina Fey rules - but Alec Baldwin rules even more (not as a dad, but as a comedic actor). I don't know where any clips are to embed or else I'd show you.

#3:
My top three are far higher than the other two, just FYI.
Scrubs: off the wall, crazy, unexpected, and there are belly laughs in every episode. There are so many clips on youtube to choose, but here's a couple:
True Friendship

or, Jesus on Abortion:

EDIT TO ADD:
#3B:

I'm a tard and left this off. Flight of the Conchords. Why? Because good Lord, they're the smoothest song-writers of all time. And quite funny.

...my lyrics are bottomless......

#2:
The Office. Funniest show on TV currently. You all have seen it. If you haven't, you are, well, crazy.

#1:
It's not even close. Arrested Development. If you don't watch this show, you're crazy, or not alive in your soul or something. It's best to rent the DVD's, and start from the beginning. Three fabulous seasons. Such a messed up family. Season 2 is the best season of television ever. It's something magical....
and so magical I couldn't find a video for it on youtube.

Cue the anticlimactic music. Freaking Fox. Freaking cancelled the greatest show ever. Years later and I'm still sad.

Your favorite 5? Have I forgotten anything? If you say things like According to Jim or How I Met Your Mother, I say you're wrong.

Thoughts on a slammed back door

2008-05-18T19:30:00.001-07:00

If you haven't heard, I am self-employed. I am now a member of the artistic community, and, please turn off your laugh track. I said artistic community. No, please turn off your laugh tracks. TURN THEM OFF.

For whatever reason, God has immensly blessed Ashley and I with the ability for me to work from home - be with my kids and my wife, running a home business, and it is excelling. What an adventure! Home business is great - it's exciting, challenging, rewarding, and stressful all wrapped up into one. Balancing work and family is a challenge. Photography is a challenge. Nailing composition, exposure, and truly documenting someones wedding seamlessly while coming in and out of different locations is a challenge. But, I continue to improve, and continue to love it more. Nearly 40 weddings this year - and I'm stoked for each of them.

And yes, we shot last weekend. Ash and I left this particular wedding seriously refreshed, stoked for MARRIAGE and not just a wedding, and reaffirmed in our love for each other. Their vows did that to us. You know a wedding was good when it had that.

And on top of all of this, my skills have improved and continue to improve. I recently took my favorite "shot of the year". As a photographer, I know that one strives to continue improvement for a lifetime and when you get it - when you see it displayed right out of the camera without any photoshop work - when you know that it was YOU who took it - that all culminates into one of the greatest feelings you can have as an artist, I'm convinced.

So, I'm displaying it for my blog readers. I've called it: "Slamming the back door" and it's my first, real, piece of art. Let me know what you think.

**Editted to ADD: removed the pic. It was not kind. Or art.

Thoughts on a focused worldview

2008-05-14T20:21:00.000-07:00

Interesting, isn't it, that over one hundred thousand people recently (very recently) died in Myanmar, and....

Fifteen thousand (at last count) people died in China this week, and.....

John Edwards just pivotally sided with Barack Obama in one of the more compelling political races in my lifetime, and....

Dozens died recently in midwestern tornadoes, and yet the top story on the news is:

ANGELINA JOLIE AND BRAD PITT ARE HAVING TWINS!!!!!!

But seriously, they are. . . .but seriously, isn't that terrible?....but seriously, I saw it on the cover of Star magazine.

Thoughts on growing up

2008-05-12T13:53:00.000-07:00

Heard today in my home, a conversation with my four year old:

"Daddy, I want a snack."
"Okay buddy, what do you want?"
"I want fruit snacks."
"Fruit snacks?"
"Yes, they're for snacks too, not just treats."
"Sorry buddy, they're just for treats after supper."

(delayed pause)

"Sorry daddy, you just disobeyed God."
"What?"
"When you just said that, you disobeyed God."

Ouch.

Shrewd negotiator.

Thoughts on blogging

2008-05-05T07:40:00.000-07:00

Man. . . .can you ever forgive me?

Please?

Almost a month's time has gone by, and I have blissfully wandered through my days, scarcely realizing that something is dreadfully wrong. No blog posts.

I am sorry.

Forgive me.

I know I have lost many followers in the past month. But I am coming back. Strong.

But seriously. . . .I am coming back. . . .right. . . . .now.

Hello blog world. Welcome back to the random world of Jeremy Parsons. . . .

Thoughts on road rage

2008-04-11T20:54:00.000-07:00

Driving down I-35 in Kansas City at 5:15 PM is not the greatest idea. Okay, KC is not the largest place on earth - not LA, not NYC, not Seattle - but come on, any city with 2 million people is bound to have traffic issues.

I, in my stylin' van, cruised North toward Liberty, MO, to pick up a love seat - given to us from Ashley's parents. Traffic was actually moving pretty quickly, all things considered. In a 65, I got caught behind a gentleman going 58 - with traffic moving at a 62 MPH clip. Trying to keep up with my wife, in another car, I crept up behind this fine gentleman - closer, closer, closer...then his brake lights flash as he taps his brakes - obviously telling me to back off.

I kindly told him with my arm (no fingers) that he needs to move.

He kindly told me with his arm that I am an idiot and he isn't moving. In fact - he owns the road, and will drive as slow as he damn well wants to in the left lane while everyone else is passing him.

In my mind, I won the fight between us. And yes, I am driving a minivan, which yes, I realize, is about the lamest car ever.

But I drove proudly today...because the manly man in front of me drove a teal Daewoo, and at least I don't drive that. Advantage: minivan

Thoughts on a new obsession (of sorts)

2008-04-02T05:47:00.000-07:00

If this blog is truly "Just my thoughts" then you get the good and the bad, the irreverent and reverent, the retarted and sophisticated. Or, maybe never sophisticated. But here is a large element to my recent thoughts:

I can't stop saying "but seriously" after almost everything I say...but seriously I can't. It's quite catchy, if I do say so myself....seriously, it is.

The "but seriously", for me, has its roots in the movie dodgeball, when white goodman (the antagonist) is speaking to a woman he desires to court:

There's no reason we need to be shackled by the strictures of the employee-employer relationship. Unless you're into that sort of thing. In which case, I got some shackles in the back. I'm just kidding. But seriously, I've got 'em.

It's especially effective after a joke. Example:

"Your mom's so fat, she could crush her shadow. . . .but seriously, she did."

A more prevalent use of the "but seriously" can come after a declarative sentence, you simply put on a straight face and say but seriously. Example:

"I cooked dinner tonight....but seriously, you owe me $5 for the food."
-or-
"I really enjoyed our date tonight...but seriously, don't call me."
-or-
"Nice house, it's really roomy....but seriously you need new furniture."
-or-
"Yes, I liked 'Save the Last Dance' also....but seriously, you did?"

Or apologies:

"I'm so sorry for standing you up last night...but seriously, let's break up."

I'm obsessed....but seriously, I can't stop saying it. I even have tried praying lately and I'm not sure God likes my dry humor.

"God thank you for this day. . . .but seriously, it was cold." I'm kidding, but seriously, I prayed like that.

Thoughts on dreams coming true

2008-03-31T20:00:00.000-07:00

For those that think dreams can't come true...for those that think that we should play it safe...for those who think we should conform to the norm...this is for you. Read the story below. And if you don't believe it can happen - watch the video afterwards. . . .

Live your dreams - GO FOR IT!

+++++++
CHICAGO—Although she stood to lose her friends, her family, and everything she had worked for her entire life, classically trained dancer Cassie Lisbon, 18, put it all on the line Saturday night when she performed a highly controversial ballet/hip-hop-fusion routine at the Chicago Academy for the Arts' annual spring recital.

The routine, which defied all reason and social order by combining the elegance of ballet with dangerous, never-before-seen "street" moves such as spinning on one's knees and snapping fingers, reportedly lasted four and a half minutes. According to Lisbon, the bold and provocative number was the culmination of a month of rehearsals, 18 years of feeling like she was destined for something special, and six weeks of dating a troubled, but gifted, in-your-face competitive dancer and high school dropout.

Lisbon prepares to bring it.

"It was like my whole life was just preparation for that one moment," said Lisbon, who added that everything had gone silent as she stood backstage before her routine and suddenly realized that it was this recital or never. "I danced the only way I know how—from the heart. Because in the 'hood and on the dance floor there are no second chances."

"I don't care what they say," Lisbon added. "It's my life, and I'm playing for keeps."

Taking the featured spot in the school's final showcase after her uptight former rival, Annabelle, realized she had been following someone else's dream all along and dropped out at the last minute, Lisbon shocked her teachers and fellow students when the classical Stravinsky piece she was dancing to abruptly stopped and morphed into a slightly faster version with a bass beat and rapidly spoken vocals.

"At first I thought something was wrong with the sound system," fellow student Maggie Pinchion recalled. "But when I saw Cassie smile and take out that folding chair, I realized she was just bringing together two radically different worlds to show us all that we can follow the music that beats in our own hearts. It was so tight."

While school administrators are still baffled as to where such a talented ballet dancer could have learned a second form of dancing, some speculate Lisbon may have ventured out into the rough but vibrant neighborhoods surrounding the private academy.

"I can only assume that Cassie must have visited one of the local nightclub establishments where teens hang out and perform spontaneous, elaborately choreographed one-on-one dance competitions to the music of a young gentleman named Soulja Boy, among others," head instructor James Tillingford said. "Of course, there's no way Cassie could have infiltrated this subculture, unless she entered a biracial relationship with a young man who wanted a better life for himself than stealing cars and playing ball, someone who could teach her how to let go of her formal training—along with the pain of her mother's untimely death—and just let it flow so she could, in turn, convince his hardened, cynical friends that she was 'not bad for a white girl.'"

Lisbon, with one of her many new ethnically diverse friends, finds the strength—and rhythm—to show everyone.

Continued Tillingford, "But she'd have to really bring it."

The only student in the history of the form to realize that ballet is incapable of expressing a whole range of different but equally true emotions, Lisbon said the road to popping and locking onstage wasn't an easy one. At times, Lisbon admitted, she felt like giving up and just performing the highly technical routine of graceful leaps and spins she had been training for over the last decade. Fortunately, her friends were there to encourage her.

"I could never have done it without my new girl Shandra by my side, telling me I had a chance to be somebody and I shouldn't let anyone stop me from achieving my dreams, because where she's from, 'hope' is a four- letter word," Lisbon said. "I have to accept that full scholarship to Juilliard on my own terms."

"You can't rehearse for life," Lisbon added. "The rhythm is in you."

Lisbon expressed thanks for the support she received from her father, who thought she was throwing her life away with her "ridiculous dancing hobby," but made it to the recital to stand in the back and cheer her on anyway; her boyfriend, Tay, who not only taught Lisbon how to hear the beat of life but also performed a showstopping break-dance routine in the middle of her performance; and her new group of multiracial friends—especially Little Jay, who was tragically killed in a knife fight only two days before Lisbon's final performance.

Although she is excited to start her new life at Juilliard, Lisbon said she may defer enrollment for a year in order to mentor a promising, similar-looking sophomore who has plans to shake up next year's lower-budget recital in a style all her own.
++++++++

...as reported in The Onion.

Thoughts on randominity

2008-03-27T07:00:00.000-07:00

That's right, randominity. What a ridonkulous word. I catch myself with random thoughts in my mind all of the time. Here are some:

Cereal has four stages: "boxed," "fresh" (the stage with newly poured milk), "soggy", and "mortar hard" after the leftover flakes dry out. How the f do they get so hard? You might as well simply take rock and epoxy it to the side of the bowl. I also wonder if there was a leak in your basement, if you could simply pour a bowl of Raisin Bran, enjoy 98% of it, and then past the remaining milky flakes over the hole? Wait, I'm going to market that. . . .

I love doing the dishes - placing dishes into the washer. (I use "love" loosely in this sentence). I hate unloading the dishwasher.

There's nothing better when you're with "the guys" than smoking a tobacco pipe. You just feel more manly. There's then nothing worse than the taste in your mouth for 3 days afterward.

On the road paved with good intentions, I am in great shape. In real life, I am not in good shape. Also, on the road paved with good intentions, I read all the time, am a perfect father and husband, a better friend, a better brother, a better son, and I don't procrastinate ever.

High education isn't necessary for all walks of life - I believe that. Not everyone needs to read poetry by Robert Frost, have a deep abiding knowledge of Presidential History, or even know what year the war of 1812 happened. But I know an adult who could take a few steps forward in that arena. I saw a sampling of his spelling recently. I mean, rock: R-O-K? Seriously?

Do animals have thoughts? Not dogs or (evil) cats, but cows? Chickens? What would a cow be thinking walking into a slaughterhouse?
"This is a great place! So many of my friends here. Cool - a big building and. . . .what the. . . oh crap . . . "

I'm so thankful that God created steak.

My oldest son's belly laugh is the greatest sound on earth. Tied with my youngest son's belly laugh.

New dream career: Cuban band pianist - or percussion player. I'm kidding, but seriously: it's my dream.

And where to study? It couldn't be anywhere but:

You thought I forgot how hot Appalachian was? You're wrong.

Randominity. Have a good day.

Thoughts on stress. . .

2008-03-19T10:45:00.001-07:00

For many reasons in my life currently, stress seems to be falling off of my shoulders. We have been wrestling with what to do with a bad situation regarding our neighbors. We have been wrestling with the general stress of life with two kids, a business, and me working another full time job. And I knew it was time to get past my stresses when I saw this public service announcement on TV recently, and it really spoke to me:

I will get past my stress and let it fall off of my shoulders. I will embrace the 60 degree days and love the park (like we did tonight). I will breathe deeply and fully and leave my stress behind tonight, because what good is stress? I will live - today - fully.

And no, I will not smother my kids.

Thoughts on passion

2008-03-16T14:06:00.000-07:00

I was reminded today about passion. No, I didn't spend my afternoon in front of some sordid movie, but rather, had about a one hour talk with a guy who lives with passion. And maybe it's because I'm a guy, but I want to live with passion also. I'm not content to simply sluff through life, paycheck to paycheck, week to week, watching my kids age, my hair gray, and my "wisdom" grow on account of my elderly status. I am, however, convinced that life is here to be lived - grabbed ahold of, and run with. Is life easy? No. But it is to be lived fully - because life is a gift.

And when your passion is put to use - it stirs passion in others.

Passion enables you to play basketball like Jordan.

Passion enables you to run like Eric Liddell (Chariots of Fire):

And passion enables you to sing like this:

All of this comes on the heels of watching one of the most stirring movies I've ever seen in my 28 years on earth. If you haven't seen "once", go rent it, go rent it right now, and let yourself be swept away. Music for Glen Hassard (the main guy) isn't simply a "fun thing to do" - it's passion, and it shows.

Passion. Without it lies the tame existence of the "eat, sleep, repeat" lifestyle. Without it, a man slowly becomes passive. Without it, a woman becomes deadened in her spirit. It's what every child is born with - what few humans die with - and what I desperately want to hold on to.

So I want to know - what are you passionate about?

Thoughts on similar, and yet so different (again)

2008-03-13T19:47:00.000-07:00

One of the greatest feelings in the world? Holding and consoling my sad son.

One of the worst feelings in the world? Holding and consoling my sad son after he faceplanted HARD going down the stairs to the front door, while I, 8 steps above, watched in slow motion as he tripped and rolled all the way to the bottom.....

Sheesh it's scary to be a parent.

Thoughts on my life changer

2008-03-11T20:07:00.000-07:00

Man, I'm rolling with blog posts lately. Lately? More like always.

Anyways, I recently posted about "trouble" - my youngest child and a brief photo session we had with him in the living room. So, something needs to also be said about the other young unit of the Parsons family. I'm going to call him "my life changer."

Late February of 2003 was a landmark turning point in Ashley's and my life. As every young parent can attest to, we had one of those talks one evening that goes something like this:

"Jeremy, I feel weird."
"Weird? What do you mean?"
"I just feel a little nauseous, and I'm so tired."
"Man, I'm sorry, are you getting sick?"
"No, I think I'm pregnant, go get me a pregnancy test."
"What?"
"Yes, a pregnancy test, and be sure to get the kind that has two tests inside of it."

And, Friday evening, a nearly undiscernable line appeared on that test. It was faint enough for me to say (honestly) "I don't see anything." We went to bed.

We casually woke up late on Saturday in our house on 12th street in Greeley. And, because we woke up late, we woke up hungry. Ashley suggested breakfast, and, never the one to turn down food, I obliged. We went to The Kitchen - awesome food. Greasy. My place.

Like a slow crescendo, we talked about the previous night's event. And, despite my continual reminder that there "really wasn't" a line, Ashley grew more certain all of the time.

Saturday night, the 2nd test was taken. And the result? No doubts this time. Holy crap, we're having a baby. My life changer.
Micah.

My first born, a source of so much joy that I can't comprehend it. I look at him in wonder and think to myself "I can't believe he's mine."

He's the best Simpsons viewing partner (get your phones out and start dialing social services....) that there is. He laughs at my jokes. He's an encouragement (truly) to me in my life. He's smarter than me. He's kind and generous and giving and winsome. He steals the show. He's a world changer. And I couldn't be more proud.

Mostly - he's mine and I'm so thankful.

Thoughts on the Kansas City 10K

2008-03-10T20:30:00.000-07:00

Another crazy post. Before we begin, can anyone make sense of scientology? And, can anything out there make scientology seem "rational?" Keep that in mind.....

I was reminded the other day about how much I love to run. For one of the first times in months, the sun warmed the ground in Kansas City, and a slight breeze made me believe once again that "yes, this isn't hell." What a long winter. I digress....

The trolley trail is located near my home and it makes for a great location to get 4 miles under my belt at a time. Yes, my fat behind still goes 4 miles at a decent pace. So not all is lost in terms of fitness in my world. And, on this particular day, there was nobody on the Trolley trail. The sky was a glorious deep shade of blue, speckled with sparse clouds blown by a wind out of the south. Alone, I settled into my rhythm, navigating around puddles and mud while my mind does what it always does while I run - rambles through incoherent thoughts. A sampling:

"How many steps until the bridge? 1,2,3,4,5,6,6,6,7,8,8,10,12. . .crap.. . . .my son counts better than me...did that guy just stare me down? Yeah he better drive away, but even if he came after me I think I could either take him, or outrun him...I mean I am a runner, and what's for dinner? I wonder if there's a 10K race I could do?...."

Which leads me to this: the point of my blog. You thought it was about running a 10K? Wrong.

I tried googling "Kansas City 10K" in order to figure out if I could possibly train for and finish an easy 10K in the spring or summer. Heck, even just googling that makes me feel more fit. Several results flashed onto my screen, one of which was titled:

Kansas City 10K

Perfect. Click.....and what do I see? Two guys in their twenties, holding a small trophy while shaking hands. One has really long hair, one has short hair but appears to have a small mustache beginning.

My first thought? "Man, those guys must be fast to have won the race....wait a minute....is that ratty, long, unwashed hair? Is that a peach fuzz mustache? Is that....a DRAGON on the wall behind them? It couldn't be....well, yes, it is....dungeons and dragons????????" Incredulous, I looked further.

This link for Kansas City 10K was, well, for a Dungeons and Dragons-esque tournament held right here in beautiful Kansas city....no doubt in the basement of one of the contestant's mother's home, where he resides in piles of unwashed clothing and dirty dishes. The title of the tournament? Kansas City 10K - meaning - 10K in prizes given out. And, I want to be clear, it's not D&D that they're playing, lest I have an incantation cast on me....you know, after their moms fix their dinner and they apply their pimple meds.

Folks, welcome to the world of Dreamblade. I had never heard of this phenomenon. Well, the winner of the Kansas City 10K tournament was So, here's the definition from everyone's favorite source of info, Wikipedia:

Dreamblade is a collectible miniatures game created by Wizards of the Coast that debuted on August 9, 2006, the day before Gen Con Indy. The game is a strategy contest that includes an element of chance which comes into play through various die rolls.
Similar to Magic: The Gathering, each game represents a battle between very powerful individuals, in this case psychics called "Dream Lords." These Dream Lords battle one another across the landscape of humanity's shared unconsciousness by spawning dream creatures out of human emotions, in particular Valor, Fear, Madness, and Passion. Although there are many collectible miniatures games available today, Dreamblade's restricted landscape and spawning rules (among other things) result in many aspects which are more similar to a collectible card game than a traditional miniature game.

I am speechless.

um....................

um....................

SO, I love running......but I will most definitely not be in the Kansas City 10K.

Thoughts on 2 dashed dreams

2008-03-09T17:54:00.000-07:00

I ran across these old picture that someone emailed me a couple of years ago....sorry to dash your childhood dreams.

and even better.....

Merry Christmas.

Thoughts on trouble

2008-03-07T21:16:00.000-08:00

Ashley and I have a pretty keen sense of when trouble is brewing in our household. Whether it be a dirty diaper, or my boys digging into an ice cream bar or grabbing a pack of crayons to go "play" - as a parent you develop the keen sense that trouble is on its way. . .

Ladies and gentlemen....let me introduce you to 30 pounds of trouble. His name is Tyler, he's 2 (almost 3), has the raddest long hair ever, and is the king of making people laugh or swoon. He's never been cuter, or more fun. . . .and when he gave his mommy the big puppy dog eyes at bed time tonight and she got him up to come be with us on the couch, I knew trouble was brewing.

And thanks to my new Canon 50mm 1.4 lens, I was able to capture some of the trouble. . . . this little exchange with his mommy was great...

I am more proud of this guy than I could ever say. I love who he is, I love watching him grow, learn, inquire about simple things in life...I love that he loves his mom and I a lot - loves his brother like a best buddy/mentor - I love the way he goes through this life so winsomely, winning hearts of friends and strangers he might acquaint himself with in a grocery cart. I love his sense of humor, how much he loves the movie Cars, how he can't lay still through the night (good luck to his future wife), and his bed head in the morning.

I love everything about this little man - I love mostly that he's my son. I'll take trouble any day of the week.

Thoughts on a good reminder

2008-03-03T06:22:00.000-08:00

The quote to the right side of my blog is one by a guy named Brennan Manning. His book "A Ragamuffin Gospel" is truly wonderful...and I only read about half of it. I really suck at finishing books for the most part, but in this case, I think it's okay because I gleaned a great deal from the first few chapters. And, almost as importantly, I got a "cool, artsy, hip, eloquent" quote to put on my blog - therefore making me cool, artsy, hip, and eloquent. Those who know me know that that is simply, well, not true. But if I look the part, maybe I can fool some of you. Or not.

Anyways, Manning writes openly about his struggle with, and subsequent addiction to, alcohol in chapter 1 of this book. "I am an angel with an incredible capacity for beer." And I love that he is open about that - it gives room for regular folks like me to read his book and feel "welcome" within its pages. It's as if he says "it's okay to be here even if you don't have it figured out. I'm an alcoholic, I'm screwed up, we're all screwed up." By beginning his book with this declaration, he earned my trust. Therefore, when he speaks about the grace of God - how it permeates our being, regardless of who we are or what we've done - I believe it. I contrast this to other books I've read by people who write in such a way as to inspire to you be better. Some phrases that come to mind:

"Live your best life now. Step one...."
"Improve your spiritual life by ________"
"You can be more blessed if you _________"

Quite simply, Manning get is right. The Gospel of Jesus says "come to me - I don't care what you've done or who you are. Just come to me." We do not have to clean up our act first. We do not have to straighten out our lives first. We do not have to pray magical incantations like a sorcerer for Him to hear us and draw us near to Himself. We do not have to give money, meet our quota of scriptures read, or attend or serve in a church before we come to Him. It's laughable to think that we can offer anything like that to Him as an admission fee into His presence. After all, what are we when it compares to God?

I read John 8 recently, namely the first 11 verses. It's a stirring reminder about the heart of Jesus toward the broken and outcast. When a woman has been caught in adultery, the "high religious" bring her to Jesus, asking Him what to do with her. His response?

"Let him who is without sin be the first to throw to throw a stone at her."

And as the crowd dissipates, Jesus is the only one left.

"Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?"
She said, "No one, Lord."
"Neither do I condemn you, go, and from now on sin no more."

The good reminder is simple: no matter who you are, where you've been, what you've done - no matter the mess you've made of your life, bridges burned, or baggage you carry with you - the invitation of Jesus remains the same:

Come to me with whatever you have, and I will give you rest.

This, friends, is the Gospel. It's what I want to be about, who I want to be, and what I want to live out. So you can have your religion and self help - but give me the gospel and its Christ, and pour me a beer. You're all welcome to join me.

Thoughts on english and US americans

2008-02-28T20:24:00.000-08:00

As an American, I am good as several things just by default:

Eating
Driving really big cars with bad gas mileage
Complaining about little things
Rooting for sports teams
Spending too much money
Complaining about money
I'm a decider

I'm about as full blooded regular white-guy American male as they come. 6 feet (5'11"), cut (if by cut you mean "round cut"), athlete (band nerd), steak lover (I am "round cut"), and a fan of several network television shows.

I was raised in the ghettos of rural Western Colorado...here are some barrios I used to frequent:

and-

I have two parents who are still married. We ate around the table every night. I have three beautiful sisters. We raised dogs...and cats...and other animals. . .like hamsters and gerbils with red eyes and.... [shudder]

I am American. Proud of it? It depends on the situation. I digress....

For instance, when I was 17, I toured Europe in a musical ensemble. Very awesome experience...Disneyland Paris, Hard Rock Cafe, McDonalds - you know, local culture and such. As we flew over the pond to Germany, I had no idea what to expect. How would I communicate? I needed to brush up on my german, so I started studying on the flight and....oh wait they have movies to watch. AWESOME!

So I didn't study. But, "miraculously", I was still able to communicate. Why? Because ENGLISH has swept the globe, just like the USA. Everyone there spoke it....and I'm proud to me an American....

And here I am, 11 years after that fact, a father of a four year old who is beginning to learn english. Here's how a recent "learning" session went....

"Daddy, let's spell some words, okay?"
"Ok Micah, what do you want to spell?"
"Daddy, let's spell LAKE."
"Ok, let's sound it out...l...l..."
"L!"
"Right, and a...a....a..."
"A!"
"Great...k....k...k..."
"K!"
"Yes and....................the last letter has no sound."

WTF? Or, other words he's asked to spell:

Pirate Ship
Pizza
Flamingo
Sesame Street

Silent "E's", Long "I's", Long "O's", Long "E's".....

I'm convinced, having children makes you dumber.

Thoughts on a new blog banner

2008-02-23T06:49:00.000-08:00

So this morning, post birthday, I get up, feed my youngest son (my oldest doesn't want to eat - he's sick, don't call social services please) and then start to play with photoshop...which is fun cause i never play with it. I've watched ash do it for a long time now. So I started playing and here it is....

My exploration of narcissism.

It's totally un-professional, totally ragged looking, and humbling (if you ever mess with photos of yourself in photoshop, you get the full on view of your imperfections....like chipped yellow teeth and bad shaving jobs.....ahem).

Welcome new blog banner. I predict you'll be here for about 2 days until I get sick of you, and then you're gone....

Jeremy Parsons. Photoshop genius.

Or not.

Thoughts on board games

2008-02-18T19:35:00.001-08:00

I am no athlete. I am no genius. I am a simpleton, a sinner, a regular-joe. But, shouldn't I be able to beat a four year old at chutes and ladders?

After four straight games? The answer is a clear, resounding "NO".

Thoughts on Valentines Day

2008-02-15T05:21:00.001-08:00

So, now that it's post-valentines day, I wanted to clue in all of my best friends on what I did for Ash yesterday. It's a beautiful thing, and, not to brag, but she was floored..... I don't have pics or video of it, but let's just say it went exactly like this:

More on our real valentines celebration later....

Thoughts on youth

2008-02-12T06:20:00.000-08:00

To all my blog readers, enjoy and soak up your youth. If it's gone - reclaim it, somehow. Go skydiving. Go on that spontaneous trip to Europe. Rekindle that lost romance with your spouse. . . .or. . . . that "special someone" from the chatroom.

Blog readers, reclaim your youth. It will be gone in a flash. The sad (and funny) evidence?

Enjoy your youth. One minute you're a rock legend. The next? You're Jerry Lee Lewis in 2008. Goodness gracious great balls of fire.

Thoughts on excess

2008-02-07T19:23:00.000-08:00

What's wrong with the world today? Here's one thought:

Nice one, Flight of the Conchords, but here's another thought. . . .

A smattering of thoughts of a guy (me) raised in the information age:

Do you want your washing machine in white, green, orange, or red?

What kind of car do you want? How many gears? Auto or manual, 4wd, 2wd, FWD, AWD? 2 airbags, or 12? New or used? Buy or lease? 36 months or 48? 60? Do you get a warranty or take your chances? And the seats? Leather in your car? Tan, white, charcoal, or black? Or would you prefer vinyl? Or cloth?

What about your cell phone? Do you want to watch video on it? Live TV? Use it as a video recorder? A digital camera? A computer? Oh, what color do you want it in? Can your phone give you step by step GPS directions? And how many minutes should I get? 700? 1400? AT&T? Verizon? T-Mobile? Definitely not T-Mobile.

Do you want regular yogurt, or whipped? 2% fat, 1% fat, or no fat? What flavor of fruit? Or would you prefer strawberry vanilla cherry? Apple pie? Key lime pie? Boston cream pie? Cherry pie? Blueberry pie?

MMm, tortilla chips! But do I want rounds, regular chips, or the really big ones? Blue? Yellow? White? And what kind of salsa to go with it? Pico? Pace? Guac? On the border? Authentic?

Should I get pizza? Yes! But from what shop? Delivery or pickup? How much does delivery cost? Regular crust or honey wheat? Cheese in the crust? What kind of sauce? What kind of cheese? Do I want taco toppings on my pizza? Meat? Vegetables? What kinds, extra of each? Half one kind, half the other? How much do I tip the driver? Should I pay online, check, cash?

How much caffeine should I get in my coffee? 1 shot, or 2? 3? 4?? Dad??? To stay mug? Should I double cup my beverage? Should I get it extra hot? Less hot? Extra foam, no foam? Some fat, lots of fat, or no fat? Vanilla, almond, hazelnut, mocha? Should I get a tall drink. . .you know, the small one? Venti? Frapuccino? And what coffee shop should I go to? The big corporate chain that nobody likes, but everybody goes to consistently, or the hole in the wall shop?

What kind of water should I have? Ice, or no ice? Mineral water? Evian? Dasani? Aquafina? Do I take my chances with tap water?

That's 5 minutes in my brain some days. Ridiculous. No wonder everyone's stressed out - this stuff surrounds us, chokes us, and we drown slowly.

Too much excess. But, what do you do with it all? I don't know what I'll do. I think I'll start by listening to a sermon or two about this stuff. But what preacher? What church? Reformed? Fire and brimstone? Young? Old? What denomination?

Thoughts on cynicism Part II

2008-02-06T18:52:00.000-08:00

Someone once stated that they would love to be a cynical weapon for Jesus - depricating "retarted" things in the name of Jesus. I don't know who that was. . . .oh wait, it was me, on my blog.

Cynicism, I have long thought, is one of my spiritual gifts. Mostly, I'm able to take my thoughts about how I think things should be run, then dryly rip apart the way things are while making people laugh. And, as I've learned while blogging, Christians sure do laugh (and comment) at cynical remarks about the church. Truly, they must be cynical too - affirming with their remarks that what I am writing is worthy of merit. And me? I lead the bandwagon. Hooray for me. And the notion that I have the gift of cynicism (isn't that in the bible?) was quite misfounded, as I was reminded in the past week.....

Kevin is a budding friend of mine. I've met him in person a grand total of 2 times, emailed him 3 times, talked on the phone 3 times. We don't "go way back" or know each others' stories from start to finish. I am drawn toward Kevin; his love for Christ is infectious, his passion for the Gospel is alluring, and his ability to communicate those things is incredible. So, when he talks, I listen. I emailed him last week and confessed to him my cynical nature - mostly toward suburban American Christianity. For example, where are the blood and nails of the cross displayed in the slick new $4.5 million building placed in a wide open area of the suburbs, moving itself from the heart of the city. I guess God is supposed to do more in the burbs than He can in the city?

His response? Clear, loving, and well timed: "Cynicism, however, is not a good thing.....For me, cynicism was the product of passionate idealism and seeing dream after dream topple. Cynicism was born out of my repulsion to lots of the same things you’re repulsed by. The problem with cynicism is that it takes criticism and combines it with pride."

His words pierced my heart. Criticism, mixed with pride, equals cynicism.

How do I distance myself from cynicism? Criticism isn't bad, and I believe it's fine to question why the church moves away from urban cores to areas populated with the wealthy and elite. However, crossing into the heart motives of the 6 worship leaders at the front (because we NEED 6 singers - for 6 part harmony), dressed really nicely, raising their hands to each song in the worship set: fast-fast-slow-slow-fast (let's give the lord a hand-clap!!) Cynicism. It's wrong. But how do I distinguish between criticism and cynicism?

My passionate idealism for what the church "should look like" goes no farther than what the church doesn't look like currently. I look only at the faults, rip them apart, yet have no idea how to change it or live out my convictions. In other words, I'm part of the problem. What the hell do you do as a Christian for a city that's as broken as Kansas City? What difference can I make while I work on the extreme southern edge of Kansas CIty. . .ahem. . .in the highest priced subdivision in all of Kansas? How do I get involved in the change? Does it require my moving to a lower class neighborhood with my family, getting a job at a local business down there, and just immersing myself in the culture? What's my responsibility as a Christ follower? I guarantee it's not simply to point out all of the church's faults, like an annoying little kid who is constantly poking his finger into your arm asking "hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. . . . . ." All the while, I act as though I have the answers. Pride. Criticism. Cynicism.

What do you do? Don't say I need to buy the new Sandy Patti disc.

Thoughts on the Super Bowl

2008-02-04T19:36:00.000-08:00

Any sports fans out there? All I hear is silence, but this is my blog, and you're in my world, so you will listen to sports talk.

The super bowl this year? Superb. One of the greatest upsets in all of sports history, the Giants defeated the Patriots 17-14 on a last minute touchdown. And in other news, I consumed 4500 calories from chips and cheese dip, and the commercials are still simply average for $6 million per minute. God bless the USA.

I love when the underdog wins (unless it's against my team). Hoosiers brings it out. Watching The Sandlot brings it out, the Mighty Ducks, Rocky, Braveheart. . .scratch the Mighty Ducks from the list. I don't know why, but when the underdog wins, all becomes right in the world. There is balance, hope, relief. Part of me identifies with underdogs, because I, too, was an underdog - I being the guy who was never that good at sports, grades, school, etc. I married the hot Homecoming queen. Booyah.

We, as fans, can continue looking toward next year with great anticipation. If the Yankees won every year, then what's the draw toward baseball for fans of the Royals?

At any rate, all is right in my world, watching the arrogant patriots go down in flames. All is right in the world. . . .well, almost everything.

Heard on KLOVE on Saturday:

DJ: You might believe that the Patriots will win with all of your heart...you might believe that the Giants will win with all of your heart...but here's what THIRD DAY believes. . . . .(insert Mac Powell)

Thoughts on glory

2008-01-30T20:01:00.000-08:00

I saw a story a long time ago on the CBS evening news that captivated me (and no, this isn't about Christian music). In fact, I've thought about this story many times since I was it. Some of you will no doubt remember it.

Jason McElwain was the high school basketball team trainer. Small, enthusiastic, full of life. . .and autistic, he attended every practice of the team's, grabbed rebounds for the players, and helped however he could. Jason attended every game, sat on the bench, acting as the team's biggest cheerleader from outside of the game.

And, I'd butcher the story if I told it any further. Watch:

Jason McElwain - Unlikely Hero - These bloopers are hilarious

I cry almost every time I watch this video. It builds in me as I watch the video, beginning when he goes into the game. And, as he hits his first shot, the team bench goes nuts. Then, he hits another, and the crowd starts to go nuts. And finally, he hits the last shot at the buzzer, and the crowd, made up of many of his peers, storms the floor, swarms Jason, and carries him off of the court. And, I don't know, I might be reading way too much into it, but man, what a great picture of glory. I think about myself in high school, how I treated autistic kids in my mind, and I marvel at the depth of love those students showed Jason. To me, it's nothing short of glorious. I want that kind of emotion in my relationships with friends and loved ones, coming out of my chair to cheer them on, to carry them off the floor in their victories, and to cheer just as loudly in their misses.

Doesn't it make you feel good?

Thoughts on my last few days

2008-01-28T21:11:00.001-08:00

Random thoughts from the past few days:
++++
I don't like it when people blog for the purpose of telling us how much weight they've lost. Nothing says "I need more comments" louder than that. Come on, how desperate are you??
++++
The state of the union might be one of the funnier things on the unintentional comedy scale. First, the poor president, bafoon that he is....getting raucous support from his posse, and blank "are you freaking kidding me stares" from the other side of the room. To change that, all you have to say is "I support the troops!", causing the entire audience to burst into simultaneous and thunderous applause. The funniest parts of the night were as they showed the 4 top presidential candidates staring at the camera, with seemingly rehearsed looks on their faces: defiant, strong, determined. . .and rehearsed. Hilarious. Who wants that job? Hilary does, and she's determined, resilient, and strong. . . .so says her campaign manager.
++++
I want to vote for the president who doesn't send people to their deaths in Iraq.
++++
I want to vote for the president who doesn't murder unborn babies.
++++
Crap.
++++
Micah: "Dad, are there bad guys in Kansas City?"
Me: "Yes, there are some, buddy."
Micah: "Dad, can I buy a gun?"
Me: "No. . . .why?"
Micah: "So I can shoot all the bad guys in Kansas City."
Nice. Cabelas here we come.
++++
There remains no greater feeling as a father than giving my 2 year old a drink in the middle of the night, then rubbing his forehead and watching him drift off to sleep.
++++
WTF? How did I marry the girl who took this? Are you freaking kidding me? Mad skills.
++++
I hate the crunch of 5 day+ old snow under my feet. Mostly because that means that snow's been on the ground for 5 straight days.
++++
My new goal: lose 15 pounds in February. Can you guys get on board with me and support this? I need all the help I can get. You'd help me most by leaving me comments. Please? Pleeeeease?
++++
Oh. Crap.

Thoughts on interesting people

2008-01-21T18:23:00.000-08:00

I love Lost. Just read my post below. I love that throughout each episode, you're introduced to a character's past history that you've never known before. It's what really makes the show intriguing - each person bringing his/her baggage into a new society that has to begin from scratch. And, I think, that as a result of my watching Lost, I have found myself wondering about different people I see around the city - what their story is, where they come from, what brought them to where they are now?

For instance: where did the worker at Blockbuster come from? You know, the employee that likes working at Blockbuster a little TOO much? "You know, that was an excellent film but I would have to recommend you seeing The Kingdom instead it's a really good movie and you know it's also filmed in parts of Arizona and they had to shut down the highways and there's really good action scenes and it's a really good story and it is really thought provoking also and would you like popcorn, pepsi, sour patch kids, or some chocolate to go with your movie tonight, and do you have your blockbuster card, oh you don't you better get out your id so I can verify your account (gaaaaaaaaaasp)."

Who is this guy? Every week, I go to that store, and see the same guy. And he bugs the heck out of me. Why? He's. . .well, weird. Should that really be my attitude as a Christ follower? I think that far too often, I'm content to let the weird and marginalized stay that way, choosing instead to pursue relationships with the affluent and cool. I don't think that's how it should be.

So heck, what's his story? Who's his best friend? Where did he grow up? What does he hope to be when he gets older? What's his favorite movie....besides The Kingdom? Has he ever loved someone? Broken someone's heart? What about his parents?

It sounds maybe a bit retarted, I get it. But maybe I shouldn't be as quick to judge him. Maybe I should cut him a break in my mind. After all, I have a hard enough time figuring myself out sometimes.

So I'll work on it.

And for the record, The Kingdom is really good.

Thoughts on new hilarity

2008-01-18T10:53:00.000-08:00

Chad and Alysia arrived at our front door, eager to come in from the bitter cold. As we ascended the stairs, thoughts about out friendship came flooding back in to me - reminding me instantly how much I love these two. We met them early after our relocation to Kansas City from Colorado, and I liked them instantly. They were, at the time, still in a semi-newlywed stage, and we welcomed their friendship with open arms.

Chad and Alysia have been two of the people we've been able to go to with a lot of discouragements. They're two of the people we can sit around with deep into the night: smoking pipes, drinking beers, hanging out. Oh, and they have one of the best senses of humor I've ever known. As dry as I am, Chad matches it, plus some. I love it - he challenges me in new, fresh ways. He introduced us to Flight of the Conchords - one of the greatest shows ever. We introduced them to Arrested Development. We both give, we both take. It's beautiful.

These thoughts and memories came flooding in. And, we had a great evening - pizza, conversation, etc. Then, we took the party all the way to our living room...from our dining room...and we settled in, in front of the Apple TV. With YouTube at our fingertips, Chad took Ashley and I to new hilarity. And I'm here to take you there also. I'm not much for standup usually, but this guy's different. Enjoy, and let me know what you think.

Thoughts on a long, cold winter

2008-01-17T18:59:00.000-08:00

It's mid January, and my heart is heavy. Daily, this problem gets worse, although, at least I know I'm not alone. It's 15 degrees outside, and the temperature is dropping. Yet, as cold as it is in Kansas City in January, the bitter chill deepens even while I sit indoors with the heat running - it sinks into my bones and soul - when I consider having to spend an evening in front of the television.

Gone are the implausible, but hooking storylines of 24. . . and Jack Bauer torturing bad guys (or ARE they bad??)

Gone are the ridiculous, but addicting relationships of Grays Anatomy.

Gone are the laugh-out-loud moments from 30-Rock, and The Office.

Heck, even CSI, CSI:NY, CSI:Miami, CSI:SVU or whatever the heck they're called - all gone. And it's all beginning to hit me. Is it sad, my missing good television shows? No. Don't judge: culture matters, get over it. . . read on.

Instead, what do we have? A steady gamut of unscripted reality shows, game shows, and other entertainmentless, hour-long, advertisement filled death traps - disguised as dramatic, heart wrenching, life-changing, meaningful "gifts" to their viewers. Thank you, Hollywood Writers. Thank you for lengthening my winter. And, while I don't watch them, thank you for subjecting me to shows like:

The Power of 10
Dance War: Bruno vs. Carrie Ann
Wife Swap
Super Nanny
1 vs. 100
Celebrity Apprentice
American Gladiators
The Biggest Loser
Deal or no Deal

And praise Jesus for the one redeeming thing coming out of my television display this winter: Lost. May the next two weeks fly. A 2 hour premiere - in 2 weeks.

Thoughts on Movie-Jesus

2008-01-16T09:51:00.000-08:00

God has started to revive my heart, for which I'm grateful. And, I don't know why, but lately, in the car, I've flipped to 97.3 - Christian Radio (formerly, the best sports radio station in Kansas City, but I'm not F-ing bitter). I go, hoping to hear a good song, I leave with blog material. . . and not hearing a good song.

Heard today. . . on K-LOVE. . . .

The Women of Faith conference is on its way to Texas - and all women are invited. Come, revive your faith. You're invited to a weekend of awesome worship (probably Darlene Zzzeck), and awesome speakers, and your chance to meet:

Movie Jesus.

Jim Caviezel.

I'm sure. . . ahem. . . it will be a very. . . um. . . spiritual experience for them. "HOLD ME IN YOUR ARMS, JESUS!! NEVER LET ME GO!"

Spiritual. Right.

Thoughts on similarities, and yet so very different.

2008-01-12T20:40:00.001-08:00

Interesting characters seen around Kansas City lately:

-A "gangsta". No, maybe not a gangsta, but probably a rapper in town for a show, with his posse - in a very "white", American sports bar in Westport. Yes, a real rapper. Yes, he wore a bullet proof vest over his shirt. Yes, he had a real posse, complete with really big guys that like to stare you down and surround him everywhere he walked. Yes, he said the F-word...a lot (which must be a lot because I work with construction workers). Yes, I stared them down. Yes, I am lying about that part.

-Another type of "gangsta". Yes, his pants and jacket matched and were baggy. Yes, his hat was backward and to the side. Yes, he had a lot of acne. Yes, his glasses were slightly smudged. Yes, he had a nasally voice - very apparent when he spat off his slew of obscenities. Yes, he was pretty fly for a white guy. Yes, he stared me down as he walked into Chick-Fil-A.

That's okay, I thought to myself. His mom probably still tucks him into his Star Wars sheets. Nerd.

Enjoy your nuggets, dawg.

Thoughts on my charmed existence

2008-01-10T19:32:00.000-08:00

I have, admittedly, a charmed existence. My two nearly perfect children are sleeping in their beds - they fell asleep quickly tonight. My best friend, and love of my life: my wife, is pursuing photography leads as I write; a business that has exploded recently, thereby exploding passion from within her heart. I married a hotty. I have a good job - while other guys in my company can't work because of the weather, I get to work. I work for a good man. We had 4 of our best friends over tonight to share life with: hopes, fears, pains, joys, success, failure. We have community. I have two sets of parents that love me, my family, the Lord. I have sisters that are living out their lives' dreams adventurously and I get to proudly bear witness. I have friends that care enough about me to buy me a plane ticket to go visit them. I have friends who will be published writers and artists someday. I have a friend that leads worship, and if he put himself out there, would be playing at the Passion worship conferences or recording CD's in two years - he's that anointed. I have a missionary friend who has given away "the easy life" to serve Christ - pouring her life into the lives of teenage girls who have been abandoned and are parentless. My friends and family are, in the words of Derek Zoolander: all really, really, really, ridiculously good looking. I am honored to be in their presence whenever God allows.

I own two cars and have no car payment. I'm listening to digital music through my television set as we speak - scrolling through any of 4000+ songs for my auditory pleasure, typing on my Apple laptop, on the internet while sitting on my posh couch. My heat is running on a cold night, keeping me warm. The roof over my head has kept the drizzle and snow off of my clothing. I haven't shivered at all today. I'm full from one of my favorite dinners: a pesto pasta dish with chicken (an Ashley specialty). The two large helpings I had tonight really hurt my stomach because I ate so much - now I know what it's like to suffer!! The water I drank tonight had lemon AND lime in it.

And here I sit, rich in the eyes of the world, basking in the glow of my earthly possessions' glory. I sit here, with everything I could have ever dreamed of having. I sit here, with all of it at my disposal, right now.

Across the city, a young mother has just been beat up by her husband. Many thousands of men and women are sleeping outside. . .and it's cold. Father's are leaving their kids, girls are having abortions, kids are hungry, drugs come easy. Cancer is ripping families apart. Elderly people die alone in nursing homes. Depression haunts thousands, despair hovers over so many households. Houses are being repossessed. People are unemployed. The public schools are among the worst in the nation (no joke). Poverty holds Kansas City's urban core in its icy, unending grip. Apathy grows, pornography sells, brokenness runs rampant. On the "other side of the tracks," wealth drives children toward rampant materialism. People leave the city for the safety of the suburbs. Churches are moving there too. The need for higher dollars keeps some parents living as workaholics.

I don't want to make bigger statement than necessary. I won't preach at you. But I'm definitely being tugged at toward things that matter. May God break my heart for the things that break His - more and more - in 2008.

Thoughts on ripped pants

2008-01-05T14:05:00.000-08:00

I am over a quarter century old. Yet, I continue to learn.

Lesson for the day? A pair of ripped jeans (right "down the middle" so to speak) can ruin the fun I have at a 3 year old's birthday party - pronto. Happy Birthday Annabelle. In 10 years, what will her memory be of her 3rd birthday? The present we got her? No. Some brown haired guy with a gaping hole in his jeans.

An easy solution? My jacket tied around my waist. Fun resumes, life goes on, and I look like a jackass. Although, come to think of it, how's that different than any other day?

Really, who's cooler than Jeremy? Don't answer that.

Thoughts on new music

2008-01-04T20:25:00.000-08:00

Today I found what's destined to be a mainstay in my music collection forever.

Smash-Ups. Take two Christian songs, and pit them against each other in a battle to the death in Jesus' name. One artist's lyrics play over the other artists' music, and vice versa.

Track listing:
1. Steven Curtis Chapman "Dive" vs. Grits "All Fall Down" vs. Audio Adrenaline "Get Down"
2. dc talk "Colored People" vs. Newsboys "Entertaining Angels"
3. Switchfoot "You Already Take Me There" vs. Grits "TN Bwoys"
4. Rebecca St James "God" vs. Earthsuit "One Time"
5. Tobymac "Yours" vs. Relient K "Pressing On"
6. Benjamin Gate "All Over Me" vs. John Reuben "Do Not"
7. dc Talk "Jesus Freak" vs. ZOEgirl "Dismissed"
8. Newsboys "Shine" vs. PAX217 "Tonight"
9. Steven Curtis Chapman "Live Out Loud" vs. Out Of Eden "River"
10. Carmen "Who's In The House" vs. ZOEgirl "Even If"

Get it for me - and I will burn you a copy.

Foughts on fame, and famous family, fool

2008-01-04T13:46:00.000-08:00

I believe, fully, that I know 5 people who will one day be famous. And since I have about 5 readers, that means that if you read this blog - you'll be famous one day....I firmly believe that.

One is my sister who moves today for Nashville, because country just lives in Nashville. . . so she should too.

I have her autograph, and her old yearbook pictures. . . and nobody is prouder she's going after her dream than me. . . and nobody believes she'll actually make it there more than I do.

Have fun, Annie. I love you. Don't forget me. . . we used to share a room.

Maybe knowing her will make me more famous?

Thoughts on Caucuses. . .caucusii. . .caucii. . .cii

2008-01-03T20:25:00.000-08:00

What the heck is a caucus? Why not just call it a "test election" or "JV election"? Why do we need to know who's ahead in Iowa? Iowa? Land of farms and. . . .fields. Iowa? Who decided these rules?

Iowa?

Thoughts on resolutions

2007-12-31T11:54:00.000-08:00

That God Christmas is over. December 25? Check - done - gone. And I'm grateful that it's over. Gifts? Check. Big holiday meals? Check. Christmas music? Triple check. Christmas movies? Check. Christmas feasts? Check. . .the scale.

So I've had a Christmas overload this year. I've traveled - from KC, to NYC, to KC, to Georgia - and I'm officially ready to begin a new year. So I'm really grateful that it's now New Year's eve - today feels really refreshing. It's a day of fresh beginnings; time to, as a Pastor I recently heard said, "leave the trash from the prior year behind." So I will do just that.

Here's 2008, a new year, fresh beginning, full of new promise and new adventures to be lived. Life is fresh, clean, bursting with hope and optimism. And I'm not THAT much of an idealist. I realize that fresh after January 1, maybe even a week later, I'm back into "real life" - commuting, going to work, making paychecks, running a small business, finding time for what's really important. . . but on New Years Eve, the dream is fresh, and alive with promise.

But what dreams should fill my heart tonight as I dream of the next 12 months? Should I dream about finally getting rid of the extra weight? Running a half marathon? Climbing fourteeners again in Colorado? Achieving success? Saving "x" amount of dollars? Getting my life "in order"? Establishing a career path? Making a life for myself? Reading the whole bible cover to cover? Reading 15 books? Writing a book? Blogging everyday? What is a worthy thing to resolve to do? Would Christ love me more if my resolutions were to pray more deeply, give more fervently, encourage more people, make someone believe in Jesus?

Are resolutions even a worthy thing to think about? They lose power after 2 days in the new year, right?

The answer: resolutions aren't just worthy to think about - they are essential. How easy is it to get sucked into the drudgery of life - at times living lives that lack passion, purpose, and hope. Resolutions return me to dream and hope in a faith that has escaped me toward the end of 2007. Resolutions return me to a passionate pursuit of my beautiful wife. Resolutions return me to the desire to be the hero of my boys' life. Resolutions fill my sails with life, drive, and ambition. And I sit here writing - alive, excited, and expectant for 2008.

But all of this is null and void without one underlying fact. I'm reminded that "So now faith, hope, and love abide, but the greatest of these is love." (1 Cor. 13:13)

So here's my underlying resolution for 2008, the rest is simply white noise: May it be in my life in 2008 that I be a man full of reckless, unconditional, and deep love - for my family, for my friends, for Christ, and all things that He loves.

Happy New Year.

Thoughts on adventure

2007-12-27T10:19:00.000-08:00

Hello faithful readers. I hope you're having a pleasant "post Christmas" gorging fest on food and relaxation. Perhaps you're working and working out and eating well. Hello to you folks too. I, for one, am gaining weight, sleeping in, and enjoying much time with my boys and my inlaws. This break has given me more time to write as well. So, forgive my latest bout of the blogging "runs." Just read, and do your best to stay awake.

I finished reading "Into the Wild" by Krakauer and highly recommend it for anyone interested in a story that is equally heart stirring, terrifying, and gut wrenching. A brief synopsis: Chris McCandless graduates from Emory University in Atlanta, GA, promptly gives his $25,000 inheritance to OXFAM, jumps in his car, and disappears. He later abandones his car, and hitchhikes around the country, finally following his dream to Alaska - just north of Mt. McKinley. There, he is discovered 3 weeks after his death by a moose hunter - emaciated and alone in an abandoned bus.

I tell you the synopsis because my sister did the same to me and it took nothing away from reading the book. Read it.

At any rate, I'm stirred at the conclusion of this book. Many many things stuck out to me from this book but the larger (at this point) issue is one of adventure. Something about the radical life McCandless led is strangely intoxicating. The adventures he embarked on are somewhat captivating to my mind and heart - and so I sit stirred. Adventure, it seems, is lost amidst the daily grind. You, my readers, have no doubt heard that sentiment expressed as I fumble through stretches of life, longing for deeper meaning and life to the full. Adventure, I'm convinced, has nothing to do with necessarily heading into the wild; seeking some type of transcendent, life giving message that wilderness gives. John Eldredge argues that men find adventure getting out of the cities, and returning to their "wild" roots up in the mountains. And I, for a time in my life, believed him wholeheartedly... lucky for me,I lived in Colorado at the time. And while I do believe that Eldredge says much that is true, I have since moved to the flatlands of the midwest, which has changed my tune. How is any man supposed to be wild when they live 600+ miles from "the wild"? Adventure has to be found somewhere else.

A couple of quotes at the end of the book summed up a lot for me. One is a quote from Annie Dillard:

"...when we wake to the deep shores of time uncreated, when the dazzling dark breaks over the far slopes of time, then it's time to toss things, like our reason and our will; then it's time to break our necks for home. There are no events but thoughts and the heart's hard turning, the heart's slow learning, where to love and whom. The rest is merely gossip, and tales for other times."

This stirring of course has nothing to do with me just giving it all away and disappearing. I want nothing to do with the hitchhiking, hunting, dying of starvation in Alaska, shunning all friends and family.... at the conclusion of "Into the Wild", it's clear that McCandless had changed his tune. In his journal toward the end of his life notes that happiness is only real when shared with others. And so, the longing for me is one of the adventure of sharing life with you: my friends and family.
"...where to love and whom." This is the adventure - this is truly what matters.

I'd urge you all to do the same: love unconditionally, fully, without question, and with abandon. Life together, under Christ: amidst pain, suffering, joy, laughter, hard times, good times - true adventure. I'm happy to be on this journey with you all.

Thoughts on questions

2007-12-26T06:23:00.001-08:00

At a certain point in one's blog "career" (probably after your profile gets 250 views. . . .even if 189 of them are yourself checking how many people have checked your profile. . .but I digress), you go back through your posts from beginning until present time; taking stock of where you've come from. My faithful blog readers, it has been some kind of journey throughout the months. We've shared laughs, tears, and comments. I feel like I am now more popular because of the blog. And that, friends, is the reason I do it. What better way on this Christmas to reflect on my blogging history. . . .

I took a trip down memory lane. I traveled far back. . .to earlier in 2007. Okay, I haven't blogged for too long. But, I have done enough to know that my heart isn't consistent from post to post. I'm not that "steady" guy who proceeds through life with caution, guarding his heart from the ups and downs that come daily. Instead, my mood seems to change from post to post. One moment, I sound like a DJ from the local Christian radio station: "you know, God is awesome. Amen? Let's listen to some more positive music. . . here's mac powell. . . .". The next moment, I might make people feel like they feel after watching Life is Beautiful, Old Yeller, or worse - a full episode of According to Jim. Depressing.

I admit, I am a maze of emotion - even if it shows very little outwardly. In my heart, I alternately feel like a 15 year old kid who has no idea who he is; and a confident man who knows who he is in Christ, ready to turn the world upside down with hope. Much of the time, it seems to me like everyone else has it more together than I do; yet at the same time, I catch myself judging - finding it so easy to think how much better I am at life than others. It's total bullcrap, no doubt. I'm double minded - so no doubt that Paul wrote that he doesn't do what he wants to do, he does what he doesn't want to do. I also have recently caught myself thinking that if there are two really fat people that sit net to each other on an airplane, will it throw us off course? Probably. . . but that's wicked.

But, besides my wild mood swings, crazy thoughts, and my self analyzing, boredom-inducing writing style, I noticed a larger trend. My thinking has steadily grown consistently darker, consistently less hopeful, and consistently less about the Kingdom - more about me. Even if that hasn't shown outwardly (for instance, if you haven't noticed), I feel it. And I am tempted to believe that that darkened state of mind is about me not doing something right. Have I sinned in some way, thus throwing me into a spiral downward? Have I shamed the Lord? Have I lost His favor, thereby throwing me into a valley of darker thoughts? Do I need to support more of this Christianese culture in order to gain God's approval? Sounds like a stupid question - but it does cross my mind.

Nothing can separate us from the love of Christ - I believe that with all of my heart. So what else can it be?

Could it be that I've seen glimpses of the religious system I subscribe to that are less than perfect? Could I be learning that Christian life truly isn't "positive and encouraging" all of the time? Could I be right in the palm of His hand, even now? Could He be the one leading me this direction?

So I question, I ponder, I reflect, and I celebrate this Christmastime. Because despite my darkened state of mind toward some things, I love the Lord Jesus. And without this day, there'd be truly no hope.

Merry Christmas everyone. I love you all dearly - you're truly all gifts to me.

Thoughts on New York

2007-12-23T14:42:00.000-08:00

What can I say about New York City? How would one describe something so large? How does one begin to express the feeling you get when surrounded by millions of individual lives, billions of office/retail/livable square footage, and more languages spoken than I could have ever imagined hearing (let alone, hearing them in one location)?

What do you say, then, when you go from the wide-open space of the Midwest and are dropped straight into the Mecca of American diversity? How are you supposed to feel when you have to hire a car service to get to and from the airport? How do you cope when the only pieces of nature you see are fenced off, that the grass is designated: “No dogs allowed” and that the trees are there, seemingly, to more beautifully frame the main attractions: the buildings?

How do you fathom the amount of money it takes to simply function; to get anywhere, to eat, to be entertained? How can one person fathom how much it costs to rent a tiny apartment, and yet how many people do? How much money does Bloomingdales make in one day at Christmas time? Macy’s? Anthropologie?

How should you feel when you hear people SCREAMING at each other from across the subway platform? (in a heavy Brooklyn accent: “YOU DISGUST ME, IN EVERY WHICH WAY. . . .”) What do you say when you are thrust into an area where people have less patience than my kids do on Christmas morning? How does a guy raised in a small town in Colorado respond when someone causes a 15 second delay for an automobile, gets honked at twice, and then the car stops, rolls down its windows and proceeds to yell at the elderly woman who caused the delay? How should I feel when one sees lots of young, able bodied guys relaxing in seats on the subway while women (some elderly) and children are forced to stand? How does one get used to shouldering women out of your way when trying to walk the streets, not apologizing, and not feeling bad?

And can I even begin to imagine the feelings of the new immigrants who initially stood on Ellis Island? What does it feel like to a new immigrant now? What is it like to find a job in New York, let alone which direction is north?

How do kids feel being raised in the projects? How do they feel being raised in posh Manhattan estates? Will they ever know how sweet air at 9000 feet smells or what it’s like to drive your very own automobile for 12 straight hours before reaching your destination? Will they ever be lulled to sleep by the quiet chirping of crickets? Will they ever see the Milky Way? And how do teachers in New York do it, while their students are pent up and “roped in” continually and have nowhere to go run and play? How do parents do it if their yard is nothing more than a 6-foot by 8-foot concrete slab?

How do tourists feel when they behold the majesty of Times Square for the first time? How do I respond to television screens that are 8 STORIES tall, and they are EVERYWHERE?! How does a tourist, if they have no tour guide, branch out any farther than just that area of the city? How do you absorb the entire breadth of the stimuli in that two block area? How do companies afford an advertisement that is that large? What does a model feel like to see themselves blown up to 80 feet tall?

How does a resident of New York meet new people? How would a single person go about finding companionship? How do you even trust another person in a city that large? How do churches form and grow? How does one interact with so many devout people from other religions?

What do you say when you see puddles of pee randomly on the sidewalks? What about the post Friday/Saturday night piles of vomit just randomly on the sidewalks/subway platforms? Can one get used to the rats… and the smells? Is it possible to get used to most public restrooms being filthy, without toilet paper, cramped, and crowded? How about the higher prices at restaurants?

How will I ever eat another Gyro again without comparing it to the “real thing” I had in Astoria? Will I ever again try a hot dog as good as a Gray’s Papaya frank? And the bacon-corn chowder at Gray Dog, how can I go without it? New York bagels are incomparable to any I’ve ever had, so how can I go back to the regular Panera bagels? Will I ever again see a Christmas tree as beautiful as the one at 30 Rock? Will I ever again feel as deeply in the Christmas spirit as I did while ice-skating in Central Park with my wife and my friends? Will I ever be in a place that diverse again? Will I ever be in a place again where almost nobody is fat?

How does one deal with New York for the first time?

You dive in head first – live it, love it, breathe it in, and thank God for every single bit of it. . . .

Thoughts on Hamburgers. . . .those bastards

2007-12-10T22:47:00.000-08:00

I'm up at quarter til one blogging. . . . so immediately you know something isn't right with me.

Let me take you back two nights.

Ashley and I sat in our office - both of us at our corresponding workstations, discussing our business and some things for the future. The kids were down to bed so this was our time to dream and our time to brainstorm.

And I heard a cough from the boys' room, didn't think much of it at first, and went to investigate.

"Tyler are you okay?"
(response is crying)

I gently pick up Tyler.

"What's the matter buddy?"
(vomit sprays all over my shirt)

So as Ashley cleaned the floors and sheets. I held him and consoled him and gave him a bath. It, at the time, was wonderful. He whimpered things like "I love you daddy" which, for any non-parent out there - please trust that it is the absolute greatest feeling on earth.

Anyways, Sunday came and went. Tyler didn't throw up, ate a good dinner, as did micah.

Monday came and went. I went to work, had a good day, and all was fairly good at home when I was driving home. I spoke with Ashley at 4:10-4:15 before she had to console crying dudes.

So, no worries, right? I'm going home to be with my family, the ice storm is moving in but we'll be safe and warm inside, right?

Wrong.

I arrived home to 2 sick children, puking all over the floor. It was chaos and my poor wife was cleaning all of it. Phew, at least I and her both don't have it!

Or not. We ordered two cheeseburgers from a local bar and grille and I picked them up without incident (with some sprite for the kiddos). Arriving home, we ate our burgers amidst vomiting children and just shook our heads at the crazy moment we were living out.

And promptly after dinner, I threw up. . .and up. . .and up. . .and up. . .and up (plus a couple more) within a 4 hour span.

And I have NEVER been as sick as I am right now - never. It is truly unreal.

So, I hate hamburgers, the little bastard food group that they are.

But, it's strange how being sick has made me realize how much better I have it than some though. I'm still inside on an ice-storm night. I am well fed, unlike many (as was, um, plenty evident tonight). And I have an incredible caring wife who has nurtured my boys and I. Pray that I don't get her sick. So, I sit and sip water, now wanting to lay down until it's been absorbed.

I hate the flu. I hate hamburgers.

Thoughts on inspiration

2007-12-08T18:01:00.000-08:00

Well, now that I've crossed the "10 comments" barrier in the blogging universe, I am progressing on to new dimensions of self esteem and popularity. After all, isn't that what blogs are all about? "I'll show you how awesome I am, and you guys,therefore, like me more." Yeah - I do have awesome pet peeves. So thanks - I feel good.

Truth be told, I am finding that I'm running out of things to blog about lately. I mean, how do I stay fresh? How do I "one up" myself? I mean, have you read the blogs I've posted in the past months? They are incredible. And, now that I am rocking this universe so deeply, I feel like this is my contribution to society.

But therein lies the problem - how do you keep going? Do I keep a running journal entry of my daily events?

"So today was AWESOME! (LOL). I got to go to WORK! (LOL) And I got to stand in the freezing ass cold weather!! (ROTFL!!) And THEN, I got YELLED AT by the "Smithers" of the company!! HOORAY!"

After about 10 straight posts like the above, I know that the interest in this blog would run out faster than Britney Spears' moral compass, or copies of the new Third Day CD at the Family Christian stores. I don't know what it is called, but I'm sure it's worth more to Jesus than Myrhh or whatever.

I need new inspiration to keep you guys well fed at the feeding trough of blogging wisdom. I would like nothing more than to fill this trough with hilarious anecdotes daily, giving each and every one of you new vision and encouragement for the day, healing marriages and diseases, and bringing home the troops for Christmas. . . .

But alas, you're stuck with "just my thoughts" which neither cure cancer (or bum hips), save marriages, or even shed tears (unless they're tears of shame over how I write).

Knowing this, I'm looking for more inspiration throughout life so that I can keep your insatiable appetites fed. And truth be told, I was getting a little bit tired of ripping on church and Christian music. And yes, as God often does, He seems to have intervened into my life, providing me with fresh wind and fresh fire - giving me drive to blog yet again and freshly reveal my thoughts into your souls.

And, sorry, they're still about Christian music and church. And here we go again.

See, we just found out we got about 6 new channels via our rabbit ears on our television. . . and as God works, one of them is the "worship" channel - where Jeremy's blog inspiration flows freely out of the tube and into my soul. In an evening of flipping through channels, I saw:

-Michael W.
-Avalon
-Third Day
-Carman

Holy crap, inspiration is back. And I'm so grateful.

And as I watched the infomercial (in shock, disbelief and some shame) for "Songs 4 Life" ("some of the greatest Christian music ever", hosted by Michael W.), a clip of my favorite band Avalon came up as they passionately sang "Testify to Love". And they did their little synchronized hand raising and passionately "got down" to the song while dressed nicely in front of a large, caucasian middle class audience. . . .like all Christian musicians do. I horked in my mouth. . . .but swallowed it down. I'm better now.

Christian musicians reveal more about the gospel to me than almost anything else. I watched this little commercial - and, completely judgmentally, I thought to myself: "if they weren't outfitted with nice clothes, and if nobody came to that concert, would they still sing the same lyrics to the song?"

In other words, I just find it hard to believe a lot of Christian musicians in their witness for Christ. I don't trust them, because I'm living a faith that is at times not strong. I still struggle with stuff. I believe in Jesus and want to follow Him - but it's made difficult when I don't always like myself, I don't always treat my family well, I get discouraged and lose sight of Christ. So as they sing their inspirational Christian music, I say "the heck with this crap" because life just isn't that cheery all the time. Testify to love? Seriously? "OF COURSE you testify to love" I think to myself. "You are wealthy and famous and celebrated by a large group of people that paid money to come hear you sing!" Testify to getting cussed out. Testify to nights of little sleep. Testify to letting your kids down and messing up as a dad and husband.

Where is my heart in all of this? Dealing with a degree of discouragement. I need Christ, because the Christian life isn't always happy and glitzy and shiny. And that being said - it's the only place where hope is found, where life is found, where encouragement is found, where love is found. And despite my failings - the dark valleys in life - there's still no place I would rather be than following Jesus. But I'll follow Him without "Songs 4 Life".

Thoughts on my pet peeves

2007-12-03T18:50:00.001-08:00

What are your pet peeves, blog readers? I'm here to be a sounding board so you can vent.

-The Spice Girls, Black Eyed Peas/Fergie, and Paula Cole (Dawson's Creek theme song).
-People that say "melk" or "worsh"
-Getting stuck at red lights, while nobody is going the other direction.
-Worship songs that mention "dancing", yet inspire no dancing. This, um, happened 2 times in one service on Sunday in Washington. To think about the congregation in the pews dancing to the music. . . . unintentional comedy. (Oh I feel like dancing". . . .and Jeremy doesn't)
-Christmas songs that mention such time-honored traditions such as "Scary ghost stories and tales of the glories of Christmas's long long ago"
-Big bites of food with dog hair in them
-Random blog posts. . . .(oh crap)

Thoughts on construction workers

2007-11-29T18:55:00.000-08:00

Due to a startling lack of things to watch on television this evening, I am blogging yet again. The "just my thoughts" mentality drives me to do so. I do have thoughts, and though this is "just" them, I feel it necessary to bestow them onto the world wide web (www) for you to partake of one more time.

So, I worked today which was long and difficult. When you're not very good at what you do (as in, you've never done this before), and you work with people that are demanding - things can get tense. But, in the midst of the tension, I started thinking about construction workers.

Construction workers are an interesting dichotomy (sp?) of good and bad things. They are stereotyped as being immoral slackers that can't do anything else to be productive in society. #1 - I resent that. #2 - it is in large part true.

Truth is, I don't consider myself a construction worker. At least, I'm not a career construction worker (I've done other stuff outside of construction.) So as I listen to those whom I consider to be "career construction workers", I ponder their lives.

The good things:
-Construction workers love to get the job done right. They do not do anything half assed - at least the guys I work with.
-Construction workers demand excellence in their job performance and admit mistakes when they've made them (and, having been a part of corporate life before - I can tell you that they have more integrity this way than most people at Midland Loan Services - yack)
-Construction workers work well in teams.
-Construction workers are extremely generous with all they have.

The bad things:
-Construction workers gossip like little 8th grade girls. . . .all the time. Every conversation involves gossip about another worker, another job, the boss, the job site, whatever. . . .it's worse than "Mean Girls." "Mean Dirty Old Construction Workers" could be the sequel.
-Construction workers all think that they should be the boss. Everyone - EVERYONE - has their own unique opinion about how things should be done, what needs to happen RIGHT NOW, and how the person in charge just isn't doing it correctly.
-Construction workers all like to brown nose with their boss. BUT if they see another person brown nosing, they rip on him. For example, my boss said to another worker today: "If so and so's boss stopped fast enough, that guy would end up with sh*t on his nose". Hilarity ensues - and all the while I'm thinking, "Everyone who just laughed at this stupid joke just ended up with sh*t on their noses."
-Construction workers are deeply flawed, deeply broken, and each one hurts and is probably clinically depressed - but would never admit it. Divorce, abuse, felonies, drugs, alcohol womanizing, etc. . . .and they are all open books about it.

Anyways - I don't mean to simply rip into them. Just observations from my day today. From their perspective toward me, I know they think "That idiot guy who doesn't know how to do anything out here." How very true they are.

And as broken as they are, as messed up as they are, as much as I do not ever want to dive into friendship with any of them, as much as they essentially repulse me, I read Mt. 5:3 -
"God blesses those who realize their need for him, for the Kingdom of Heaven is given to them." (New Living)

In the midst of the perpetual circus that is work alongside these men, I find small pockets of the Kingdom of Heaven. In a conversation with Mike, my coworker: smoker, drinker, borderline bi-polar (happy and then extremely angry), he recently said to me:
"I know I smoke and drink - but I know that I trust Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. Do you think God will let me into heaven?"

Me: "I do - absolutely."

I fly Saturday to Washington to be at my Grandfather's funeral. And he, a broken man in many ways, now sits with Christ Jesus forever, because he recognized his need for a Savior.

What a great God we serve.

Thoughts on breaking

2007-11-25T16:07:00.000-08:00

I am at the dubious point in life where one's youth begins to be called into question. I have a good friend who has a bum hip. I have a friend who is worth millions. I have friends who have traveled to Asia, Europe, the Middle East (currently), AND Kansas City within the past 5 years. I am unable to sleep past 7:00 AM anymore. And yet, I am not in my 60's. I am 27. And my 10 year high school reunion is arriving soon. Yes, I truly am getting old.

And so I sit and think about my high school "career." Let me paint a picture in your mind:

A five foot, eleven inch dude with a hairstyle that screams "who cares?!" and a belly that screams "more cereal!!" A trombone case in his hand. A backpack slung over one shoulder. Determination in his eyes, and love in his heart.

High school. Sigh. . . .now that we've established that not much has changed since high school, let's move on.

My sister Annie has recently seen several of her old classmates - not anyone who was super close to her in school, but acquaintances/friends nonetheless. And I've started wondering where people are at. Who's successful? Who lives with their parents and plays video games in the basement all day? Did Jimmy marry Sally? Yes! And they got divorced! Great!

But where am I at? Since high school, where have I come from? Perhaps it's the end of the year that draws out the small degree of introspection that I have. Perhaps it's the fact that I have a four year old son now (no longer a baby, wow). Perhaps it's the death of a church service that meant more to me than I think even I know, and it hurts. Regardless, it's time to begin taking stock of life. Grown up? Me? I have no idea what that means.

I have no real career path which makes me wonder if I ever will. I have no real idea of what I'm capable of in life. I can't imagine what that would feel like - acquiring a skill that you are proud of. I have no idea what I'm good at in other words. And it doesn't help seeing everyone I know being an overachiever, or living dreams.

I have an amazing family life at home. THAT, at least, I know I can do well.

I have gone through highs and lows with Christ and am finding that right now, I am not at a high point. In the last of our worship services today, I could only find myself praying: "God, where are you? I don't know how to pray right now. I don't know how to repent for where I'm at." I'm burned out.

So who am I? And where do I go from here? I'm not who I want to be in so many ways. But, I'm breaking, and that's probably a good thing.

Thoughts on Thanksgiving (what? you were expecting Christmas?)

2007-11-22T06:14:00.000-08:00

Ahhhh, thanksgiving. It's the "Diet Coke" of the Holidays. And, since I love to eat (take a good look at this blog-writer), I'd even consider this the "Diet Coke with lime" holiday. In other words - I love thanksgiving.

And, it's strange, but every Thanksgiving, I really get the sense that I need to be thinking about what I'm thankful for. I don't know, it's weird how it works, but sometimes I just feel like today would be a good day to give thanks. Maybe it comes from the root of the word "Thanksgiving."

Published author Jack Handy advocates that to truly understand the meaning of a word, you need to look at the root word origins that make up your new word. Handy states:

"Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself: "Mankind". Basically, it's made up of two separate words - "mank" and "ind". What do these words mean ? It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind."

Handy is right, obviously.

Fortunately, thanksgiving is an easier topic than mankind. Giving thanks. . . .only reversed.

And so I wake up this morning giving thanks. Here are some things I'm thankful for, in no particular order.

I'm thankful for the Kansas City fall. I'm grateful for the orange leaves that now grace my driveway. I am grateful to see a few flurries of snow on the ground right now - especially since I am currently inside the house where it is warm. This will probably change on Monday when I'm outside. On Monday, I'm grateful for warm clothes.

I'm grateful for my kids. I'm grateful for Micah - now a 4 year old - and sharp as a tack. I'm grateful for the way he speaks so well, and enjoys doing so so much that he actually says words while he's breathing in. I'm grateful for the way he prays before dinner and bed time - how he loves people so much, how he cares about others' feelings, and how he gives everyone a chance - even the mean kids on the playgrounds (who will get nothing but coal this year. . . .the little bastards).

I'm grateful as well for Tyler. 2 and a half and a bundle of life and joy wherever he goes. I'm grateful for his sense of humor. I love laughing with him and seeing him make others laugh. I love that wherever he goes, he smiles, and he gives that smile to others. I love how much he loves his big brother - always - and how he is able to go into a room alone and play for hours, giving voice to each and every toy he plays with (almost always a very high pitched voice).

I love my wife and am grateful for her. And I don't want that to sound like a cliche, simply because we're married. I love her - truly and deeply. I love her heart, her wisdom, her looks, her laugh. I love seeing her come alive as a photography talent is grown. I love seeing her cuddle our kids. I love spending time with her more than anyone else, and alternately miss her whenever I'm not around her. I love that we've been married for 6 and a half years and that it doesn't feel old or stale; and I love being able to dream of the future with her. I love my wife. I love thinking about Thanksgivings with her for years.

I'm grateful for my family - both here and away. My mom and dad, all three sisters, Kent and Elizabeth - I am grateful for you all. I was blessed to be with my whole family for Thanksgiving this year. I have Christmas with Kent and Eliz to look forward to. I'm thankful for family - for years of memories building up to this Thanksgiving moment. I love knowing that there are more memories coming also. I tell you, it's weird to see your siblings all grown up.

I'm thankful for my friends. Even the ones who don't comment. I'm grateful and thank God for new life growing in Jane, and that Jerome is the man with skills - despite their blatant lack of commenting power (hi guys). I'm so thankful for them and their boys (and maybe a girl? probably not!)

I'm grateful for laughter bestowed upon me through my friends Tim and Krysten in Kuwait. Yes, Kuwait. I'm thankful for their insight into the world around them - truly talented people. Their blog is koehnoscopy.blogspot.com - go read it. Mostly, I'm grateful that I'm actually going to see them at Christmas time. Oh man, I'm grateful for that.

I'm grateful for the deep caring heart of Devon and Zak - I'm grateful how much they love my wife and I and our kids. I'm thankful that everything that makes me laugh - makes them laugh too. I love laughing with those guys. And I'm ultra grateful for my Christmas present. . . .an NYC trip in December. (are you freaking kidding me?) Thanks, and that hardly covers it.

I'm thankful for Sarah in mexico. I'm thankful for her heart to serve the Lord and how He has blessed her work down there. I'm thankful hearing about a special friend in her life. . . a boyfriend;) She also comments on the blog. I'm thankful.

I'm thankful for other old friends. But I'm so thankful for growing new friendships. The Walkers and Eubanks in particular - like family to us here. They have stood beside us in some difficult moments, and I love being able to stand beside them in the midst of life's trials also. Community is incredible. Watching Megan and Bret growing a child is incredible - watching Genny and Carol raise their newborn daughter is incredible. I love these guys.

Ok, this post could grow to epic lengths if I keep going. If you feel like I "left you out" - sorry. I probably did. Sheesh, stop crying!

The point is, I am cynical and pretty good at picking out life's problems and troubles and dwelling on those. I miss out on the little blessings around me as a result. But - I am thankful for you all - the people in my life. Be blessed today as you shop. Enjoy the zoo that is Christmas in America. You all make my life beautiful and I am grateful.

Thoughts on being sorry

2007-11-14T14:37:00.000-08:00

I have deleted the couch post. For those who haven't read that post, don't ask. Not my proudest moment.

I'm sorry for glorifying something that was blatantly wrong. I've asked for forgiveness from Jesus and am asking Him to deal with my heart - break it, mold it, whatever.

Sigh. . . .onward.

JP

Thoughts on worship

2007-11-13T16:56:00.000-08:00

Let's move on from that last blog post. . . .can I have a mulligan? Probably shouldn't have glorified that event like I did. Sheesh, I'm pretty wretched sometimes. And this post will be no different. Buckle up.

Some stuff transpired on Sunday in our church service that has set off a wild set of events in my head. Basically, while attending a church meeting (awesome) after the service, I had a case of verbal diarhea, spewing forth months (and years) worth of pent up frustration and anger. And I now am left with the "what now" in the wake of it. The meeting had to do with the worship service that I've been leading worship at. And, as is the case with Christ, He seems to take great pleasure in using all events to teach and instruct, and help them to get to the bottom of where our hearts are now.

I was going on 4 and a half hours of sleep yesterday evening while driving to the grocery store up the hill. I got in the car, started it, turned left onto Meyer to settle in for my 25 second drive - and a thought occured to me.

"Hey, you know what would be great? A Christian American Idol!!"

And then, in the next 25 seconds, it played out in my head, and I have it all planned out. Here's a sample script:

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
"Live, from COLORADO SPRINGS! It's AMERICAN CHRISTIAN IDOL!!!" (crowd made up of mostly youth group girls goes crazy)
"Tonight, we have our two FINALISTS in the running to see who rocks the hardest, sings the purest, and praises the holiest!! (crowd goes crazy) The winner gets a recording contract worth $500.00 and a gift certificate to Family Christian Stores! (crowd goes crazy).

"Let's meet our Finalists!! First Darrell Evans! (crowd goes wild)"

Host: "Darrell, you've been a worship leader for a long time, how do you feel to be a finalist in American Worship Idol?"
Darrell: "I feel great, although, makeup takes a bit longer than normal when you're on Faith TV."
Host: "Don't I know it! Darrell, what will you be performing tonight?"
Darrell: I'm going to play my song "Trading My Sorrows."
Host: "And what's it about?"
Darrell: "It's actually about taking my sorrows and trading them."
Host: "Wow, I can't wait. Folks, here's Darrell Evans."
(sings the song)
Host: "Yes Lord, Yes Lord, Yes Yes LORD! Darrell Evans!! Let's see what the judges had to say!"

Judge 1 - Jim Smith, a youth paztor (spelled with a z): "whooaaa dawg, you had this crowd PUMPED (crowd cheers). I loved your stage presence, and you really did a nice job with your E minor chords. Props!" (crowd cheers)
Judge 2 - Chris Chen, pastor's wife: "I just think you are terrific. Praise the Lord!" (crowd cheers)
Judge 3 - Lymon Scowl, BIG TIME worship music producer/judge from the UK: (in his british accent) "Look, when we started the competition, we wanted to see who was the best person at leading Christians into worship. And so we were looking for someone who was A) Good looking, B) Talented, and C) is a Christian. You are definitely a Christian and are talented, but I just don't know about your looks. (crowd boos) LOOK, I'm just being honest like the bible says. . . .

Host: "Ok, time for contestent #2 - CHRIS TOMLIN!! (crowd goes double crazy). Hey Chris, how do you feel right now?"
Chris: "I feel like, you know, awesome!"
Host: "haha - WOW! And how has this experience been?"
Chris: "It's been just awesome. I mean, the crowds are awesome (cheers), and the food is awesome."
Host: "You bet! Awesome! AWESOME! What song are you going to sing?"
Chris: "It's a song called "how great is our God". In it, I pose a question: How great is our God? Hopefully, the audience knows just how great."
Host: "Wow, a worship song with a question? Are we ready? Here's Chris!"
(plays the song)

Host: "And let's see what the judges said!"

Judge 1 - "Wow Dawg, you were unchained tonight in your reverence. . . .AND your rockability. Great usage of the hand raising in the middle of the song. I love the gucci shades! You are the complete worship leader package. For my money, you're my American Christian Idol."
Chris: "Wow, thanks."
Judge 2 - "You are so hot. I mean, I love my husband, but ooooh man, I could just"
Host: "Ok, and 3rd judge?"
Judge 3 - "Let's see. You're a Christian, talented, and are so good looking. It's that simple - you're the winner".

Host: "Let's see what America said in their voting. It's Chris - he's the winner! America has voted - and the worship that Chris plays is actually BETTER than EVERYONE ELSE'S!! He wins the $500.00 recording contract and the Family Christian stores gift certificate!"

Darrell: "But that's not what worship is..."
Host: "Sit down, 2nd place, when Chris sings it, God is more blessed - and so are Americans!!"
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++

It's destined to be an instant hit.

I think what it really gets at in me is a real weariness of what worship is "supposed to be." For 18 months, I've led worship for a tiny service at a big church. People did come and did worship, but it certainly hasn't looked like I hoped. We put together a service in hopes that we'd reach out to a new generation. We want community, we want to see the Gospel lived out. We want to live as a Kingdom outpost here as a "City within a city". We desire "kingdom living". What we have:

-a church service
-performing
-just "pulling it off" each week in hopes of higher numbers.

Sad. And I point the finger at myself first. But here's what I'm tired of;

The ideal "American worship experience." I've been caught in that bullshit trap for way too long. When people my age talk to each other about church, often one of the first things asked is "how's the worship?" How's the worship? Or, translated, how's the band? Are they cool? Are they still playing lame old songs? How's the drummer? Are the singers really good? Do a lot of people already go to the church? Is it exciting?

To think that I have any responsibility over the heart of another Christian is crap - but yet I've lived that way, beating myself up over low attendance, feeling embarrassed on the sundays that were particularly sparse. Sunday after Sunday, arriving to lead music for a group of people who much of the time are mouthing the words, staring at their feet, or the screen, or whatever. And no, I'm not blaming the people that are showing up. But I think it's time to realize that when churches are exploding with growth amongst 20's and 30's, and others aren't, there's a religious "vendor war" going on out there, and for whatever reason, our service hasn't provided the right goods and services.

Jesus forgive me for believing this crap. Forgive me for being caught up into this version of church, more than into You.

No, I never ever ever ever expected to be some big hot-shot worship leader. No, I don't want to play at the passion conferences. I wanted to see more people worship Christ. But instead I saw myself slip into a rut of performance, turning my sabbath days into days wallowing in my shame. "Maybe I'll do better next week." Bullshit.

I'm tired, pissed. It's nobody's fault for the condition of my heart but my own. It's not a heart that cries out: "Jesus, I need you for who you are."

Thoughts on billboards

2007-11-08T19:35:00.000-08:00

Unintentional comedy is one of the greatest creations of God's hand. Thank you, Jesus, for giving us laughter out of things that aren't meant to be funny. It's truly His redemptive work. Example:

-or-

Funny, although not meant to be originally.

Ashley and I marvel at the unintentional comedy we see around us daily. It's one of the things I love about her. We laugh at our kids when they try to get really mad over nothing and turn out to be so cute. We laugh at the mundane things of life. We laugh at church. . . .

Church? Really? What's so funny about church? Jeremy, church is serious business - it's the hospital. . . .for the sick. . . .soul. Do you WANT to burn in hell?

The answer is no. But here's a small piece of advice for churches. Please, churches, please please please, take down the freaking signs you put up out front for all passersby to see. Please - you embarass me greatly. Please, I beg you - do not EVER put up in front of your church, any of the following:

God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called.

The task ahead of us is never as great as the Power behind us.

Have you read my #1 best seller? There's going to be a test. - God

We don't change the message, the message changes us.

Don't put a question mark where God put a period.

We need to talk - God

Be ye fishers of men. You catch 'em - He'll clean 'em.

Let's meet at my house Sunday, before the game - God

God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.

C'mon over and bring the kids - God

Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.

What part of "Thou Shalt Not..." didn't you understand? - God

Keep using my name in vain, I'll make rush hour longer - God

Loved the wedding, invite me to the marriage - God

God grades on the cross, not the curve.

That "Love They Neighbor" thing... I meant it - God

I love you and you and you and you and... - God

Will the road you're on get you to my place? - God

God loves everyone, but probably prefers "fruits of the spirit" over "religious nuts!"

Follow me - God

The Will of God will never take you to where the Grace of God will not protect you.

Big Bang theory, you've got to be kidding - God

My way is the highway - God

Prayer: Don't give God instructions - just report for duty!

Don't wait for 6 strong men to take you to church.

You think it's hot here? - God

Most people want to serve God, but only in an advisory capacity.

Do you have any idea where you're going? - God

Don't make me come down there - God

Forbidden fruits create many jams.

Want to make God laugh? Tell him your future plans.

He who angers you, controls you!

If God is your Co-pilot - swap seats!

God Answers Knee-Mail

Memberships available free to everyone under the son.

The Bible is Not Antique, Nor is it Modern, it is Eternal.

Forbidden fruit creates many jams.

If you don't like the way you were born, try being born again.

Come work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours are long and the pay is low. But the retirement benefits are out of this world.

Turn Life's Cares into Prayers.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

Thoughts? I love all of them that end with "-God".

Thoughts on cynicism

2007-11-03T19:29:00.000-07:00

Cynicism becomes me. What can I say? I am unsure if I should feel guilty about it, or if I should embrace my inner cynicism, ask God to channel it, and make me the most cut throat, acid-tongued evangelist crusader for Christ ever? Probably the latter because, when confronted by trials and tribulations that life brings, I'll just compare them to an awful song by Sandi Patti or Twila Paris, etc. and laugh my way out of them.

"This situation sucks, but at least I have Twila's 'God is in control' to listen to."

"Man, church was lame today. The crowd was smaller than Sandi Patti's last tour."

"I feel very embarassed today. At least I'm not as embarassing as Avalon."

"Work was so boring today. I felt like I was listening to Susan Ashton's latest."

"I had a really tough decision to make today. At least I didn't have to decide between listening to BeBe or CeCe."

I find myself in that place of life now. . .

Maybe it's just that life isn't easy - life is full, busy, and things don't always go how I hope they would. True.

Maybe it's that Christian music is that easy to rip on. True.

Maybe I am wicked to the core. True.

Maybe I should repent. True.

Maybe THEY should repent for making me feel the way I do. DOUBLE TRUE.

Guilt comes creeping at the doorway of my heart, threatening me with thoughts of losing God's blessing for thinking such thoughts about His followers and those that obviously have larger ministries than me. But. . . .I slam the door in its face. Why? Because I identify all of the above with religious culture; culture responsible for people I know who say things like "I am teaching my kids to be good people to earn God's blessing." People who ridicule homosexuals for being sinners while ignoring their own sin. People who ignore the need for change in church, thinking that everything is fine the way it's been, while a new generation is ignored, and subsequently blamed, for the church's decline. I call it like I see it. Cynicism?

Yes, I am cynical. May God use it as an agent of change and forgive me for the rest.

Thoughts on friendship

2007-10-30T17:51:00.001-07:00

You know what's sad? A 27 year old man being sleepy at 8:30.

I have just gone through a whirlwind hour of being with my two boys. Typically they have energy to spare....tonight, they could power my whole home if we could somehow harness their energy. Maybe if I built two big hampster wheels and put them in a cage.....hmmm. I knew it was especially bad tonight when they started making up words and yelling them. Micah, in a fit of energetic joy, put two collectors edition DVD cases on his hands, went out on the deck and pounded the glass. He came inside and said "dad, did you see my sussix sticks?"

"Your what?"

"My sussix sticks - I put them on my hands and they helped me."

"Ohhhh....wowwww!"

With that, I settle in at the iBook, ready to blog the evening away. I have my decaf starbucks house blend, made in a french press, cream currently blending itself into the coffee. Ahhh, this is a good evening.

Here's some thoughts from the past few days:

-I had a great time taking pictures at a wedding along with my lovely wife last Saturday for about 16 hours. It was, indeed, a long day. The wedding was a trip - most of the family was fully Hispanic. The music they liked ranged from Tupac's "California Love" to Los Jefes Del Ritmo (Mexican "polka" style music). And what an honor to get to take their pictures. They are full of smiles and joy - and man, hispanic people know how to party. It doesn't hurt that the wedding was sponsored by Bud Light (or could have been) and that more cans than I can count were consumed during the reception. . . .and after the ceremony. . . .and before the ceremony. . . .and early in the morning. I declined their invitation to have a beer - at 9:30 AM.

Anyways - Ash will post the pics from the wedding on her blog. I hope to have at least one that "makes the cut" and is displayed. That might be a stretch - anyone that's seen her blog lately knows that I have catching up to do.

-I am gaining more respect at work - having been "put in charge" of the crew for a day when the other bosses left town. I'm being "groomed" to be a manager in this company which is a good feeling - they believe in my potential. That helps me know that I'll have a job tomorrow unlike a lot of the guys I work with who get fired. Apparently, I'm a lot smarter than the other guys I work with - I just can't run machines like they can.

So I'm respected now. But with that respect comes the need to actually know the people that I work with. For instance, I found out that a co-worker of mine has a girlfriend. Actual conversation:

"So, you have a girlfriend?"
(In a slow southern drawl): "Yeeeah - she's got a stomach on her, but her legs are skinny."
(In my mind): "You have got to be kidding me. . . .is this guy for real? I didn't ask about her looks!?"

And - another conversation with the same guy:

Him: "Do you smoke?"
"No."
"That's good - it's a filthy habit." He takes a drag and blows it out his nose. "Yeeeah, I started after I had open heart surgery."
(In my mind): "You have got to be kidding me."

And - another comment by the same guy:

Him: "You know, all religions are pretty much based on catholicism."
(In my mind): ". . . . . . . ."

Lord beer me strength.

-I found out that I have "closet viewers", or, viewers who don't leave comments. They know who they are - and I know who they are (at least some of them). I expect this to change soon - and that they will know the liberating feeling of leaving a comment.

But, I'm up to like, 8 readers, or something like that. I can't even count all of them. . .on one hand. And wow, it's read WORLDWIDE! I got a phone call from an old friend this week who said he stayed up until after midnight laughing at John Daker. Moments like that make blogging worth it.

And I guess I get to thinking about how blessed I am to have the simple pleasure of friendship with you all - even though blogging might be a lame furthering of friendship (compared to sharing coffee and conversation). How much I care for each and every one of you, regardless of where you're at, when we spoke last, distance apart, etc. The truth is, you're all a gift to me, and I am so honored and blessed to share life with you guys. I am blessed to call you all my friends (or family depending on who's reading). I am blessed to know you guys. I know that life apart from you would be so much less fulfilling. You guys are the "great cloud of witnesses" here that I see cheering me on, that Hebrews 12 talks about.

So, readers in, and out of the closet (wait, did I just say that?), know you're loved in my heart. Know that I thank God for each of you, and that the door is always open - here at the house, or just that fake door over the phone or on the internet.

Thoughts on wonder

2007-10-24T21:07:00.000-07:00

I worked a 13 hour day today - from dark to dark. Working a day like that, you can imagine I had some time to my thoughts. And what happens when I get lost in my thoughts? I BLOG!!! YAY!! Here we go.

As a Christian, I have grown very accustomed to the christiany language. Some examples:

"Pre-marital sex": THE cardinal sin for all young Christians. Never mind that when someone does have pre-marital sex, the entire youth group gossips about it. . . in the name of "prayer." Right.

"5-point calvinist": typically, it's the people in church that are in most need of having a beer. . . .a large beer.

"Courtship": what Christians do instead of dating. We have officially "Kissed Dating Goodbye." Thanks to Joshua Harris for making millions of Christian kids feel bad for having dating relationships.

"Church": the building where you go on Sundays.

"Worship": unlike the real definition of worship in the dictionary, in today's world, it's the part of the church service where you sing songs. Worship can be categorized into a few categories: "good", "okay", or "I didn't like it." The meaning of the word "worship" is completely different than the dictionary.

And like the above, Christian culture has re-defined the meaning of many words. And today, it bothered me greatly.

For one thing, we, as Christians, tend to repeat many of the same phrases over and over. We do not purposefully change the definition of words, but by liberally using many phrases, they have lost their potency. And what it's left us with is the loss of the gravity and depth of those words. Words like "awesome", "majestic", "glorious", "gracious", and "merciful" become mundane and stagnant when thrown around. Saying "God is majestic" can become simply a phrase.

And I came to thinking about all of the things that I take for granted in my world around me, mostly, the visible things. "God is wonderful", or full of wonder. The earth is His, and everything in it; the earth is filled with His wonders. And I take them for granted.

And so I, this week, have attempted to renew my awareness of the wonder of God's creation. Amidst the mundane, it remains: wondrous, perfect, mysterious. Just stop and look at the deep blue of the evening sky. Just stop and look - and know He is God.

That's where I'm at. . . .even as I spew diesel fumes into the air every day during the week.

Thoughts on increasing church attendance

2007-10-21T20:19:00.000-07:00

Most everyone knows that I am the worship leader for a small church service here in Kansas City. It started in 2006 amongst a group of younger adults who longed for a service they could call "their own", and in turn, reach out to Kansas City.

It has not gone as we'd hoped.

I am being very frank and honest here which is difficult considering that I am a very very large part of the makeup of the service. Therefore, much of the "blame" for why the service hasn't worked, I place squarely on my own shoulders.

"Perhaps my voice just wasn't good enough."
"I just couldn't build a committed band."
"I just didn't choose the right songs."
Blah blah blah. Attacks - I really know that's all that those things are - but nonetheless, this blog is called "just my thoughts" and those ARE my thoughts.

As numbers have dipped to new lows, my heart sinks along with it. Spiritually dry, I find myself longing to be out from behind the mic, somewhere able to worship Christ without the constant thinking about "change the chord NOW" or "I hope the power point is in the right order" or "sheesh, I guess nobody likes this song. . . ." True, it seems that my heart is linked to the attendance of the service.

With all of this in mind, something I saw out front of a church the other day really caught my attention. No, it wasn't a church bilboard proclaiming God's wrath on our sinful humanity. It was worse. The banner rolled out in front of this church (I don't know the name) said:

"Voted best place in the southland to worship."

WHAT THE?? Who voted? Their own congregation? How did this church win? And what kind of IDIOT puts a banner out front of your church saying that you're the best? I can only figure these things:

-They truly are "the best." They worship better than other churches. They use only the finest songs, the finest singers, the most talented dancers, ALL of the instruments. . . .and God truly IS happier.
-It really is the best place to worship in the southland. This could mean a few things:
-Heated leather massage chairs for congregants to sit in while making a joyful noise. The massages could evoke some new joyful noises like "ooooooh" and "aaaaaaaaah". . . or "man I had such a hard week, but the Holy Spirit worked out the kinks. . . .praise Jesus - this IS the best place to worship."
-Free catered lunch every Sunday.
-Free church "Giveaways" and door prizes like "first fifty people that come get an iPod".

What disgusts me most about the sign is the blatant propaganda this church is using to attract new visitors. And how sad! Instead of an inviting place because Christ's followers go there and have brought them in, they are resorting to the gimmicks that fast food restaurants use. Strip-mall church - come and see. . . .why the worship here is the best. It makes me sick.

But the harder part about it is that it convicts me deeply of my own wickedness in this area. I want to sell people Jesus like a store sells goods and services. But He is not a product to be sold. He is God.

I want the gospel to be a pretty, neat package. I want to tell people - come and see, your diseases and addictions will disappear, guaranteed! I want to tell people that they are going to be wealthier.

But I can't because at the heart of this gospel lies the Hero of my faith; broken, bleeding and dying on a rugged cross. I see Him suffering. I see Him poor and opressed and embarassed and lonely and plain looking and sad. I see Him homeless. I see Him tortured.

Best place to worship in the southland?? What a crock of crap - may God have mercy.

Come to Jesus. But don't come because a church has great programs or advertises great worship experiences. Come because He is God, and He is good.

Thoughts on Zoomanity

2007-10-15T15:01:00.000-07:00

Greetings from a cloudy Kansas City, reader(s).

I am discovering lately that the greatest benefit to working in construction is the time off. How much do you get? Well, none. How much do I get to stay home? Every time it rains. After 2 and a half inches on Saturday, it was again, my day off. I am, um, not complaining. Making $0.00 today is not fabulous, but God is good and providing mercifully. So today, I have relaxed with my family. I'm grateful for this time. Sabbath rests seem few and far between on the weekends lately. Ashley had her first photography booth at a bridal show in KC lately and did great. The bridal response has been pretty incredible. Anyway, that show, combined with church equals an anti-Sabbath for our family.

What's the cure for the common busyness? A trip to the zoo. And because entrance was free, we took the kids (their second trip this year). What a beautiful day, what a beautiful family. I marvel at God's goodness.

When Daddy's home special, then often times the action ends up in the play room. . . . .with trains.

Tyler, happy to be chilling in the fake tree at the zoo.

Who has skills? Micah. Period.

What a beautiful family. It makes life beautiful.

Thoughts on more flights of conchords

2007-10-12T20:36:00.000-07:00

No, seriously all of you who read the blog (up to 3 I think by last count). I feel led to pound this into my readers' heads. Watch Flight of the Conchords - referenced in a blog entry a few days ago.

You say: "really?"

And to that I say: "yes." Watch the following - one of the greatest songs ever.

Enjoy.

Thoughts on Colorado Pictures

2007-10-10T20:56:00.000-07:00

Pics of the recent trip to CO. These are pics that I took. For many many many many more pics of the trip, see my wife's photo blog: ashleyparsonsphotography.blogspot.com.

Pics of the "old friends" referenced a couple of posts below:

Jerome, the red. Or is it magenta?

Devon, a faithful blog reader (rewarded with her picture on the blog - congrats my friend!)

Sarah, doing her best "Magnum" impression in the mountains. Nothing says "I'm a missionary in Mexico" like this pose.

Kyle, fired up for his impending wedding, shows me how excited he is about Cinderella and his cool magic wand. He told me later that Cinderella is a really "manly" Disney character. Obviously:

Jen and Jane rocking the Rio at the Bachelorette party (if by rocking you mean "sedately sitting at a table smiling"):

Clark, appearing in a vision as a pirate. . . .or zorro. . . .or whatever those tux clothes look like. Whatever the case, man this guy makes whatever look styling. . . .

And my beautiful wife. I love seeing joy on her face.

For now, goodbye to Colorado. . . . .

Thoughts on new hilarity

2007-10-09T20:07:00.000-07:00

I believe that I now am introducing a new phenomenon to you, my reader. Take a quick gander at this stuff. Just enormously entertaining. I give you, Flight of the Conchords. If there's any way you can get the episodes on DVD - they are just off the wall, and hilarious.

The show goes from plot lines into these random music videos. This is a show that HBO got right. And the other great part? The lead singer looks like two of my best friends wrapped up into one - Tim and Jerome. You know who you are. And you know I'm right.

Just thought I'd pass on the new hilarity.

Thoughts on friendships, old and new

2007-10-07T21:59:00.000-07:00

Buckle up, here comes a doozy of a blog post. I've been writing for 1 hour. I'll add photos to this in the coming days. Here goes:

So much has occurred in the prior 4 days, I am left reeling with a severe case of mental diarrhea. Am I able to say that on a blog? Please do not report me to the blog police. I do need this blog to remain active. My reader will be so sad.

I am in Greeley, Colorado currently - sitting up at 11 PM with "Sense and Sensibility" on (my wife is watching while I blog. . . .and I'm not watching, ahem. . . but WHY did Willoughby have to go to London and leave his wife and her sisters crying? I am depressed), packing here and there for a return flight home to Kansas City tomorrow night, and just somewhat "buzzing" in my mind about recent events. And, as always, God shows up in it in some way, for which I am very grateful.

I have been in Colorado for the main purpose of being part of my dear friends' wedding: Jen and Kyle. Kyle went to high school with my wife and I have known him since recently after I met my wife. He's a dear friend, a good man, loves Christ and will make you laugh. . . .and also likes Duke, CU, and the Denver Broncos, as unlovable as they are currently. Jen has been a more recent addition as a friend to us. We connected with her through our dear friends, the Kayls. Jen is also funny, sweet, caring and has a taste for some of our favorite things: Friends, fashion, dancing (Ashley), Margaritas and Coors light (Jeremy). And, praise Jesus, she also roots for Duke, CU, and the Denver Broncos.

What an honor to be in a wedding - but a wedding for two dear friends? What an absolute joy. I have been reminded of God's goodness in the past days just as I have been privileged to stand beside them as they wed. Celebrating a new marriage with dear friends, in the company of other dear friends, for dear friends. God is good.

And they are now in Mexico, for which I am jealous.

Sitting beside me at the wedding were two other friends: Clark and Zak. Clark, a man of wealth, makes me laugh as hard as anyone does. He is a man of travel, fashion, and his cynical sense of humor is one of a kind. Consider: he has appeared as a guest on the television show "What Not to Wear." He's more smooth than I will ever be. And yet, he cares for me and my wife deeply, as well as my two boys. And in that, I see God's hand. I am grateful for Clark.

Zak, my wife's best friend's husband, shares the exact same taste in funny movies that I do. Watching old SNL skits on nbc.com could bring, literally, weeks worth of laughter, reciting the lines of our favorite skits. This week's favorites?

-or-

Irreverence aside - laughter is good medicine for me. Consider me "healed." Zak is a great guy, and designs great websites, like my wife's: ashleyparsons.com. He's generous. . . .and a good dancer (trust me, he held me tight at the wedding).

I'm reminded of two of my most dear friends who are across the world right now, of all places: Kuwait City. Tim and Krysten are full of adventure, laughter, wisdom, grace and love. They are forever encouraging toward me. And as a result, they're missed, daily. And it made it really hard to see Tim's parents this weekend - a grim reminder that they are 12 timezones (give or take) away. I miss them, but only because God's given me a great friendship. For that I'm grateful.

I've been reacquainted with two of my closest friends. . .who are girls. And before you freak out on me, they are two of my wife's closest friends: Sarah and Devon. Throughout the years of knowing them, I've seen friendships grow despite distance apart. Sarah is a missionary in Chihuahua, Mexico; she runs a home for teenage girls who have been in an orphanage. It gives them a chance at having more freedoms, more education, and she is incredible in this ministry. Watching God's hand move her from 2nd grade teacher in Colorado to cross-cultural ministry is a true privilege. And Devon, my wife's best friend since 8th grade, like a sister to me in many ways. She, like her husband, makes me laugh, and despite the infrequence visits, it's as if no time passes when we all get together. God blesses my heart through these two.

I have also, or course, been with my friends Jane and Jerome, who by themselves are two of the most important people to me on the planet. Add in their three boys whom I've known since they're days in Jane's belly and their friendship with my kids, then you have a special friendship. They are unique in the way they can simply sit with me and everything feels as it's meant to be. The only problem is the time between visits.

And in all the ways God has blessed me with these people (and more that I haven't listed), my heart aches as our plane will leave at 6:10 PM tomorrow, and yet I find hope in what God has laid in front of my path when we touch down in KC at 8:30. The top two reasons? My wife, and my boys, the greatest blessing - my heart wells with pride for them. And as He has blessed my friendships through the years in Colorado, He has blessed, and continues to bless, my friendships in Kansas City. My brothers and sisters in Christ: Bret, Carol, Megan, Genny, Chad, Alysia, not to mention my family. I could write far more than paragraphs about all of them. He is a good God, full of blessings, full of love and grace - and not for anything that I am or will be - it's just because His character is to give to His children.

And yet, flying away is still hard, because Colorado is an old friend. Like a hot cup of coffee with an old friend, seeing today the massive forests, deep blue of the October sky, fiery dots of yellow aspen trees placed perfectly throughout the hillsides, and Longs Peak, acting as the Patriarch of the Front Range, I'm reminded again that the geography of my heart lies 600 miles to the west of my current home. And I long for the next time I return, when no doubt, like an old friend, I'll find this place welcoming, haunting, beckoning me to explore the wild places I cannot yet see with my eyes. Like a good friend, I will also return with much anticipation, eager to take up where I've left off.

I fly away from old friends, but in the arms of Christ - my provider, protector, and best friend. And in Him is the deepest satisfaction of all.

AND - the Rockies are in the NLCS. God IS good. ;)

Thoughts on the ragamuffin gospel and the God of Grace

2007-10-03T06:50:00.000-07:00

Good morning faithful and dedicated blog reader. I write to you from my living room in a quiet house in Kansas City. Yes, a quiet house. My kids are at their grandparents' house, my wife is on a plane to Colorado as I write (and I go tomorrow, praise Jesus), and I am rained out of work today thanks to a 90 minute shot of moisture yesterday. In other words, I am bringing you a special morning edition of my thoughts. This might be especially bad, but whatever, you're reading it and you're stuck with me. Besides, if you endured my Appalachian is HOT HOT HOT post, and my rants about Mac Powell and Jeremy Camp - you are good to go here.

After dropping Ashley off at the airport this morning, I braved the rush-hour traffic in North Kansas City to head to my favorite little coffee joint: Starbucks. . . . .at the Plaza. . . .so quaint. Amidst the sea of high class business-formal and business-casual apparel wearing corporate job holding Lemmings, I found myself in a nice, comfy chair with an Americano and a scone (can I be serious? I had a scone for breakfast? So manly. . .), my bible and my book, the Ragamuffin Gospel. This was a rare moment for me - time to read, think, and relax. Those times of sipping coffee and reading grow very few and far between as your kids grow (as any parent can attest to). So for just over 100 minutes, I read.

The Ragamuffin Gospel is quickly becoming a landmark book in my life. I was skepticle of this book in the past, mostly because I saw that the foward was by Michael W. Smith. Could this book simply be a fad, or perhaps a fashionable Christian book that most Middle-class suburban dwelling American Christians should read? After all, that's what I marry with Michael W. Smith in my mind.
I'm not here to rip on him, that's just where my mind goes when I see his name: a worship concert full of 40-somethings with pleated slacks, polo shirts, cell phone clips on their belts, and homes in the 'burbs. I am wicked to the core - but I'm right and you know it.

I am only 3 full chapters into the book - scarcely 72 pages - and it has shattered my expectations, and has began to refine my view of Christ. This isn't a "live better lives in 10 steps" book, but it's altering my foundation of faith - returning me to the Christ full of unconditional love and grace; reminding me that the gospel is for the broken and beat up. Brennan Manning has placed me front and center in the Gospel story and his words cut to the heart.

My background has always been the "good guy" - the Christian kid - the church goer - the do gooder, etc. I have, for much of my life, lived the way that "good" people do - not like "those sinners". And I've served the church. And I've gone on missions trips. And I've gone to the inner city. And I've led youth group (and learned to play acoustic guitar like every other Christian guy has at some point). And I've learned how to say the "right things" in the right way. And along the way somewhere, I have a tendency to lose sight of the grace of God.

"God is love" or so the Bible says. But if I am honest with myself, I live believing that God is love IF I do the right stuff, say the right stuff, serve more, act better. It's a flawed perception of Jesus, and I'm finding myself again confronted with the simple and pure message of the Gospel: Jesus loves me, exactly as I am, and I can do nothing to change that love. Manning writes:

"The danger with our good works, spiritual investments, and all the rest of it is that we can construct a picture of ourselves in which we situate our self-worth. Complacency then replaces sheer delight in God's unconditional love. Our doing becomes the very undoing of the ragamuffin gospel."

My "doing" becomes my undoing. Serving to gain His approval? I have it backwards! I have forgotten His love is unconditional, maybe not in my mind, but in my heart. It's a subtle difference - but what a difference! Knowing this love is constant, never-changing, fierce for me - there is peace and rest in it. And ultimately, over all things - the foundation of the Gospel message rings loudest in my ears:

"At the heart of the gospel of grace, the sky darkens, the wind howls, a young man walks up another Moriah in obedience to a God who demands everything and stops at nothing. . . This is the God of the gospel of grace. A God who, out of love for us, sent the only Son He ever had wrapped in our skin. He learned how to walk, stubled and fell, cried for His milk, sweated blood in the night, was lashed with a whip and showered with spit, was fixed to a cross, and died whispering forgiveness on us all."

I'm off to run on this beautiful fall day and to Colorado tomorrow. May your heart be encouraged in the midst of this ever-present, never-ending love from our Gracious Savior. Much, much love to all.

Thoughts on a change of life direction

2007-09-26T12:42:00.000-07:00

A big announcement to all of my reader. You need to know this first.

Don't worry, I will continue to blog. But, life is taking me in a new direction, and, with the support of my wife (she doesn't even know this yet), I am going back to college: starting in January.

I am going to Appalachian State University. Here's the back story about this huge change:

While dinking around the "net" I came across something that changed my life forever: this video for ASU. I was sold immediately, and have already made my plans to attend next semester. I have quit my jobs, I have sold my possessions - I am jumping in. Why? Just watch:

I would appreciate your support in this venture. In fact - you're all invited. Even when it's cold, cold, cold - ASU is HOT HOT HOT!

And if you believed a word of this post, you are crazy.

Thoughts on Thursday

2007-09-24T20:21:00.000-07:00

I am ready for Thursday.

I am also in a small group that meets Thursday nights. And I love them

I am ready for Friday.

Thoughts on Christian Music (and stuff)

2007-09-19T18:05:00.000-07:00

Faithful blog reader: hello. Welcome to a new post. Welcome to the cynical side of Jeremy.

Life is steady right now - full, fun, hard. . .I don't really know where to start with life lately - so I'll not start with it. I have other thoughts tonight.

I have progressed from being a full-fledged "laborer" (awesome) to becoming a heavy equipment driver.

Yes, I am living the dream of most 6 year old boys: driving things that can move tons of dirt. . . .DIRT!!! The great part though is an easier workload (I sit and drive stuff now - nice), air conditioning, and. . . .AM/FM radios. Yesssss!!! I also have the respect of more construction workers - which we all aspire to have, right?

So I have been priviledged to spend a full day as a captive audience to car commercials, sports center updates and witty banter by highly skilled DJ's. I have the jingles for the Midwest Hemerroid treatment center, Toyota and Chevy and Ford

And at a point, sports radio and standard rock stations - even NPR itself - get a bit stale. And, sigh. . . .being a christian, I. . . yes. . . .go to Christian radio. Positive. . . .encouraging. . . .Christian. . . nauseating.

And so - I have listened. And I have been positively encouraged. . . not to listen to Christian music. Ok - to be fair - one out of ten songs is good. But, the DJ's witty banter and the rest of the songs - they drive me toward jerking the wheel of the bulldozer into a bridge embankment.

Hightlights of Christian music:

First - "Christian Rock" is most definitely not rock. . . .and I'm wondering if Jesus likes it. When I first heard a Christian DJ remark: Man, that Jeremy Camp. . .he rocks!!, I thought, are you kidding me? Positive. . .encouraging. . . .Much of the time, life isn't encouraging or positive - so most Christian music is brutally wrong, most Christian music sounds the same as everything else. Why I listen to it at times is a mystery to me.

Second - Any radio station that goes to a satellite location to broadcast and has prizes to give away like. . . keychains. . . . that's just not a good radio station. Keychains? Are you freaking kidding me?

Third - Lyrics of Christian songs are definitely good at Spiritual cliches:

Ooooh Lord, you save me in the pouring rain
Your loooooove is new agaiiiiiin
Ohooooooooooooh Lord you get me through the daaaaaark night
(cue the orchetra, then sing the chorus again)

Fourth - to be a Christian music artist, your qualifications for "making it" are:

1) be good looking. You MUST be good looking to be a Christian artist - have you ever seen one who isn't? They just LOOK blessed, wealthy, happy. And most every cover of a Christian music CD featrues the artist on the cover alone - casually looking into the distance "thoughtfully", or smiling "full of the joy of the Lord" right at the camera, "broken" in worship (that just happens to show off how ripped the artist is). . . .or like this - with no explanation needed:

2) make a worship album. . . .with the songs on it that everyone else has already played (and feature Mac Powell)
.

Sample song list:

-Enough (already)
-How Great is our God
-Holy is the Lord
-Here I am to worship
(my worship set-list tomorrow includes how great is our god. . .sigh)

Fifth - inspire generations with non-Christian lyrics like: "it doesn't matter who you know, it's how you live" (real lyrics) Retards.

I'm done writing - now I'm pissed. What do I do now? I need some encouragement. . . .

%$&*!!. . . .I'm heading for the radio.

Thoughts on handsome children

2007-09-07T08:18:00.000-07:00

I couldn't be more proud.

Thoughts on Typical

2007-09-06T20:30:00.000-07:00

It helps having connections. Case in point - my sister Becca is dating a dude who tours the country playing rock music on his guitar. I like it. I like him. www.myspace.com/daphnelovesderby. He's the skinny dude with blonde hair - and oh, he's really phenominally talented (you're welcome, Spencer).

All that to say: yes, I have connections. Spencer knows more about cool bands than anyone I've ever met. He listens to the music, knows about the music videos, knows about their labels, knows about their tours, and knows many of the musicians - at least indirectly.

He was good enough on Wednesday night to share with Ashley and I his "musical inspiration": Mute Math. They are up and coming, as far as I can tell (what do I know, I have heard of them for 24 hours now), and did the theme song for the Transformers movie that came out this summer. I haven't heard that song. Watch this video (all band members learned the entire song backwards: lyrics, strumming patterns on the guitar, drum beats - remarkable):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b13rc6DY74A

Here's the lyrics:

Come on, can I dream for one day?
There's nothing that can't be done
But how long should it take somebody
Before they can be someone

Cuz I know there's got to be another level
Somewhere closer to the other side
And I'm feelin' like it's now or never
Can I break the spell of the typical?

Now I've lived through my share of misfortune
And I've worked in the blazing sun
But how long should it take somebody
Before they can be someone

Cuz I know there's got to be another level
Somewhere closer to the other side
And I'm feelin' like it's now or never
Can I break the spell of the typical?

I'm the typical
I'm the typical
Can I break the spell of the typical?

Because it's draggin' me down
Oh, I'd like to know about when
When does it all turn around?
__________________

Truly it's a song that speaks to my heart, especially as of late. Mostly it's depressing. If the guys from Mute Math sing about feeling "Typical" after playing the Late Show and garnering a load of critical acclaim, then what hope is there for us who spend all day working in the hot sun, or the cubicle, or the classroom, or the four corners of the earth?

And again, I have no answers, but simply a statment: Colossians 3:17 - Whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.

He will provide, He has promised. William Cowper writes: Tomorrow can bring us nothing, but He will bear us through: Who gives the lilies clothing will clothe His people, too. So it sure seems that the fight against the "typical" isn't at all about occupation or prestige.

Where does it come from? To be His is to be more than typical - and nothing else will do. Can I rest in that and live it out? That's the hard part. Just my thoughts.

Thoughts on More Random Hilarity

2007-09-02T19:06:00.001-07:00

Watch this: http://youtube.com/watch?v=EJJL5dxgVaM

Now that you've watched the above, now partake of the following video. Answer this question for me: How much money would Buster put in the change jar?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YEb2CB7VMe0

Cussing is hilarious. Just my thoughts.

Thoughts on Faith

2007-09-01T18:38:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, a deeper blog post is needed - so here goes.

I love being a dad. Since 2003, I have had the privilege of knowing God's richest blessing of children. Even 3 poopy diapers from Tyler this afternoon can't dampen my spirits, although it does dirty my hands.....and my keyboard....ahem. . . .deeper blog post....

Often when I put my boys to bed - in fact, pretty much every night - they complain that their room is too dark. Mostly, this is driven by Micah, whose 3 (almost 4) year old imagination runs 100 miles per hour. I am guessing that every creak of our old wood floors, rustle of our Russian neighbors below us, or loud car that drives by outside moves his mind toward a tale filled full of monsters. And Tyler, being 2, emulates his brother in every way possible. When Micah doesn't want it to be dark - Tyler doesn't want it to be dark.

So, as the room is very dark when they're going to bed, sometimes I, on my way out of the room, surprisingly throw the light switch. Both brothers lying on their backs staring at the ceiling get a face-full of brilliant light, throwing them into confusion, laughter, and involuntary contortion of their little faces as their eyes quickly shut.

My favorite part is their laughter when I do it. I am not sadistic - doing this for fun to be mean; rather, I am in love with their laughter. If you are not a parent, I cannot adequately put it to words, but your child's laugh is probably the most wonderful thing to hear. Micah and Tyler react with pure honesty in each and every situation - their emotions are worn right on their sleeves. And so, when they laugh, I am told that, without a doubt, they are filled with joy - and that brings me more joy than I could ever tell.

And this just from a light switch going on. Who knew? The small things in life often bring my kids the most joy.

I think of this because I have spent recent weeks feeling as though a light has been thrown on in my life. I sometimes ride a tractor at work, mowing 90 acres and it gives me time to think and time to commune with God - whether in deep "theological" ways, or just to drink in warm sunshine and a stiff summer's breeze and know He's God. One of those days, a Caedmon's Call song got stuck in my head - ordinarily, a song that drives me a bit nuts (it's kind of catchy - but in the way that it sticks with you for a long time). It's called "Thankful" from their CD 40 Acres:
_________________
'Cause no, there is none righteous
Not one who understands
There is none who seek God
No not one, I said no not one

So I am thankful that I'm incapable
Of doing any good on my own

'Cause by grace I have been saved
Through faith that's not my own
It is a gift of God and not by works
Lest anyone should boast
_________________

And God threw the lightswitch on and probably had a lot of joy watching my soul squirm. By grace I have been saved, through faith that's not my own - it is a gift of God, and not by works.....Sure I know all this in my head, but when God (who is the only one that can do this) connects the head with the heart - it's a wonderful thing. Surely it brings Him joy to see His children have that "ah ha" moment. Faith is a gift? But wait? Isn't faith an action that I perform? Come on! Oprah tells her followers that they need to have faith - and more of it!! In what? Whatever you want! What a retard. (Maybe if I have enough faith, she'll invite Ashley to go to the "Oprah's Favorite Things" episode and she'll come home with a plasma TV and a new car....but I digress).

Modern American Christianity has bullied Christians into believing lies. "Be better". "Earn it." "Follow these steps." I've heard more lessons than I can count - from Sunday school through life into my 20's telling me strategies to bolster my beliefs - to strengthen my faith.

And it's all a lie. I don't have faith because I choose God through my pious Bible reading and reverent prayer times - as if I have ANYTHING to offer Him. He is not just another face in the myriad of immortal vendors, just hoping I'll choose Him. He is our Father, our Creator, the One and only God - the giver of all good things. And He gives faith, through Christ.

I don't get it. I cannot wrap my mind around this. How? Why? A gift? Why given to me? Why not to others?

And despite the questions in my mind, the gift of faith drives me to one thing - humility. So, wherever you, faithful blog reader of mine, are at - take a moment and ponder faith: a gift. Chances are, if you have no faith, that He wants to give it to you.

I have no answers - it's just my thoughts.....

Thoughts on Glorious Blades

2007-08-31T21:20:00.000-07:00

It's official - I have been educated in the ways of true figure skating. My teacher? Chazz Michael Michaels.

Blades of Glory.

Glorious.

After a long week of work, watching this movie was a true delight - scrumtrelescent you might say. The acting? Terrible. The plot? Two dudes pairing up for a skating competition? Good? No. But PERFECT.

Will Ferrell can make every scene he's in just great. Raised on the tough streets of Motown, did he have a tough childhood? "Only if you call a 9 year old boy having a 35 year old girlfriend tough". He's considered a "sex tornado", and doesn't just perform for a crowd - he makes love to it.

The movie, with all its stupid humor and bad plotlines, reminded me just how cleansing a good laugh can be. Stress relieving, clarifying, settling.

Go laugh, my one reader. Sit for a couple hours and let yourself go. Life's too heavy otherwise. Just my thoughts.

Thoughts on John Daker

2007-08-22T17:37:00.000-07:00

I am finding that keeping up with a blog is harder than I thought. So to all my readers (reader), sorry. As White Goodman would say (Dodgeball): I am a skidmark on the underpants of blogging society.

I thought about my last post a few times since writing it - mostly about John Daker. Do watch before proceeding:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zi8beYR1iBQ

Now, let's break this down. The three characters in this drama: the young girl, the piano player, and John (f-ing) Daker, are obviously all down and dirty Methodists, attending and serving First United Methodist in whatever city they're from. By the looks of it, 2 of our 3 main characters may already be dead. The filmwork - old - probably done in the 70's. The piano player? Already bald and probably close to 65 years old. John Daker - looks to be about 60. This puts them in their mid to late 80's at least. The church room they were in? Obviously old.

And they are, or were, probably both Christians, assuming they adhered to most of what Charles Wesley taught, oh and the bible too.

So then I was thinking about John Daker, and his priceless - no, stunning - rendition of Christ the Lord is Risen today. It truly gets no better than the final word he sings, instead of "hallelujah", it's "aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh". John Daker, it can be assumed, is in heaven, or will be someday.

And what will it be like to run into John Daker in heaven? What questions will I ask him? How does our first conversation go? Hypothetically:

"John? John Daker?"
"Yes?"
"Um. . . .wow, this is weird. . . .you know, I wrote about this very moment when i was alive on my super popular blog."
"I know. Jesus told me. And your blog wasn't popular. jeremyparsons.blogspot.com? That's the most boring name ever."
"It was popular! I had dozens of hits. And Jesus read by blog? What did he think?"
"Laughed his butt off. In fact, he laughs each time he watches that talent show video of me."
"There's high speed internet in heaven?"
"Yes, but that's not the point. Jesus likes the video - especially the rendition of Amore. BUT HOW THE HECK WAS I SUPPOSED TO REMEMBER THE WORDS WHEN BALDY WAS PLAYING SO FAST??"
"I know what you mean....but John, really, I laughed so hard at your video more times than I can count. Thanks. What did you do for a living....."

And a conversation starts.

It's staggering to me that eternity is what we have coming. Eternity in total and complete peace. No bullshit with human relationships, no frustration with things like church, no hard labor, no saying goodbye to loved ones. And eternity to meet each and every follower of Christ, to know them fully, and to love them deeply. Even john (f-ing) daker. Someday, each follower of Christ can hear his story. And that's billions of people to meet. . . .

It makes my heart break for the guys I work with. They're the most hardened, crude, and arrogant guys I've ever worked with. And the more I hear about each of them, the more I see a lot of brokenness in their lives. Divorce, custody battles, monetary struggles, drugs, alcohol, prison - all used as a front to some messed up issues in their lives. They need Jesus - but what do you do with the gospel for them? Maybe I should do like Michael Scott did with Dwight in the office:

"Hug it out, B*tch." I'll let you know how that one goes.

Just my thoughts. . . .

Thoughts on Hilarity

2007-08-11T08:19:00.000-07:00

A joke I heard recently:

A man went to hell (haha) and came face to face with Satan, the lord of darkness. Satan banished the man to work in the burning fields of fire - digging a ditch between Beelzebub's castle and the gates of Sheohl. And so the man worked. . . .and worked and worked and worked. And he dug the ditch, alone, mile after mile - tirelessly using his rusty, blistering shovel. And all the while, he whistled a happy tune, laughed to himself, and was always happy to lend an encouraging, helpful word to his fellow hellians - though they burned and suffered in mindless, eternal torture.

After the ditch was completed, and the man came back to Satan with a big smile on his face, the king of despair was perplexed.

"Slave, why are you so happy? How can you withstand my punishment?"

And the man, with a foolish grin on his face, replied: "I'm from Kansas City, Missouri, and the summer's are hotter than hell."
+++++++++++++++++++

Ok. . . . .calm down. Hilarious I know. Wipe the tears from your eyes, and read on. It is 100 degrees each day, plus humidity - and working in grass fields without shade probably pushes the heat index to around 110+.

Also hilarious? The number of cuss words a typical construction worker might use in a typical day. I'd say the lover/under is 2500 (68% - the F word, 25% - the S word, and 7% - words so creative that I don't know what they mean - only that they're really bad).

Much love to all who read the blog - and leave me spectacular comments.

Other funny things:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EkqrI3IibYI&mode=related&search=
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hMebclpHbo4&mode=related&search=
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yzvO9aS1hVc&NR=1
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zi8beYR1iBQ

Thoughts on Life's Deeper Mysteries

2007-08-05T07:22:00.000-07:00

Dry your eyes all of you who check my blog often. I know - no blog post for a while. I am a working man now - a BLUE COLLAR working man now. I work for my friend Andrew who is developing 90+ acres into a very exclusive, high end subdivision.

My sister Annie has said on her blog - don't blog about work. It has resulted in the firing of her "blogging idol". But I don't care - I work construction. I'm guessing nobody has a blog. I'm also guessing nobody can read. I'm safe.

My construction "mates" are all pretty nice guys: either illegal immigrants, or guys from deep in the heart of Missourah who's sordid pasts I want nothing to do with. Imagining their paths getting to where they're at is like thinking through bad horror movies. I imagine that their idea of a vacation would be to go fishing - drinking 23 beers, sitting in a lawn chair shirtless with their feet in the water, and passing out all day just to wake up the next day and do it again. My favorite is the company mechanic - Richard. Richard is a felon (not sure for what), lives in a "big ol farm house" for $300/month almost 2 hours away from KC (commutes because there's no work where he's at), and is an expert at sifting through garbage that I find all over the property to find things that can be reused. He says things like: "sheeeooot". Seriously.

Working construction has its ups and downs. I'm a week into my new job. Things I like:

-Days off when the weather is bad.
-A weekly paycheck
-Working as part of a team
-Seeing my work begin to pay off
-Getting good praise from my boss because I'm doing a good job
-Getting good exersize all day everyday

Things I don't like:

-98 degree days, and then the humidity - probably 110 on the heat index.
-Not working much with people. Not many friends to be made out there.

Working alone gives me time to ponder life's deeper mysteries. When else would I have time to think through some of these things:

-How many bugs are there in this 90+ acre plot of land? Probably a million. Then, as I kill different bugs, I can successfully count down. I think I'm down to 998,235 (and yes, I've calculated the new bugs that have been born). Bugs will die - I will kill them.
-Speaking of bugs - I wonder what their thoughts are? I wonder if there are good bugs and bad ones. Like wasps - definitely the bad ones. But beetles? Probably really kind. Doesn't matter though - good and bad are all getting killed. . .by me.
-You know when you fill up your car with gas, and you finish and are putting the nozzle away and there's the inevitable drops of gas that fall to the ground or get all over your shoes - how many gallons of gas could be saved worldwide everyday by fixing those f-ing nozzles? I'm going green.
-You know driving down the highway, you see construction workers just standing around? How much of the economy is boosted (or brought down) by construction workers getting paid hourly to stand around while one guy does the work? (Don't misunderstand - I work in a small crew so we all have to work - but think "highway construction" guys.)
-How many bodies are buried in this plot of 90 acres? And what'd they do to get killed? I'm writing CBS - what a great "Cold Case" episode that would be.
-How much does the earth weigh?
-What is bark made of?

I do have time to pray during the day. Mostly the prayer is: "Lord, beer me strength", or "Lord, beer me shade." Seriously, there is good time to think spiritually.

And I thought this week about what it means to be "saved." Saving faith always works I've been told and reading the book of James - that's apparent. We aren't saved by works, but our faith will always drive us toward works. Christ's word will never return to Him void - and His work in our lives will always bear fruit.

But one of the scariest things is thinking about dying, and standing before Christ, and hearing Him say "away from me, I never knew you." Jesus promised that there will be people that claim to have known Christ - to have followed Him and done what He asked - and be cast away from Him. Scary. And it's all throughout scripture. Mary and Martha, the Rich Young Ruler, the Pharisees. . . .all about performance, working instead of following/resting - and it's what I think through lately. Derek Webb sings what Jesus might say to someone from suburban USA:

"Come on and follow me,
Sell your house, sell your SUV
Sell your stock, sell your security
and give it to the poor".

Very much like the rich young ruler he told to sell all he owned and follow Christ - humbling.

Christian performance means nothing, unless you first sit at His feet, rest, know Him, love Him, and be loved on by Him. Then our service becomes fruitful as it's driven by faith and knowledge of Jesus Christ.

I want what J.I. Packer has. What is life about: knowledge of God. First, foremost. So, how do you know God?.....just my thoughts I guess.

Thoughts on my 20's

2007-07-25T19:51:00.000-07:00

Here I sit, in Kansas City. It's a beautiful summer evening, my boys are sleeping, and Ashley is out with a friend celebrating that friend's new engaged-ness. (what the heck is that word?) I sit and type - feeling the soothing Apple potion rushing through my fingertips, along my arms, AND INTO MY SOUL. I am blogging. I am retarted.

I am poised on the edge of a job change - tomorrow is my final day at Midland Loan Services. To type "Midland Loan Services" evokes in me such a depressing feeling, I can't fully express it. I was a low-level cubicle dweller at a company that houses 500+ nondescript individuals. I'd venture to guess that 90% of them do not enjoy their jobs, complain about it under their breath, and then go about their days counting minutes until they are off. I was part of that 90%. After all, it's hard to enjoy a job that I can't even explain to people.

"What do you do Jeremy?"
"I, uh. . . .work for a bank."
"Do you like it?"
"uh. . . .it's really stable."

Sheesh. I guess I leave Midland with some resentment. It's nothing inherently about the company as much as it is that I know I'm not meant to work in a cube, and yet I've done that for over 5 years of my married life. Midland was not for me, and me not for it. Consequently, the past 6 months have seen a steady decline in my self-esteem, my energy, and have seen a rise of dread in my spirit. I leave feeling like I've gained very little, to nothing, in terms of knowledge. I plucked away on a keyboard. Practical skills? Nothing, or so it seems right now. I guess my 10-key skills have never been better.

And so the question again arises in me - what is this life all about?

I'm 27 - the prime of life. I have a beautiful family, a beautiful home, drive a minivan (proudly - we just got new tires), and have every luxury I could ever want in the world. But I've been generally very unhappy in my occupations throughout my life. Paychecks are nice - some are nicer than others - but the most unhappy I ever was was when I made the most money.

I'm 27, without a career, about to embark on working construction in the hottest month of the year. God, where are you in this?

I watch my wife's budding photography business coming to life - her shining as she takes pictures, meets with clients, and delivers really great work to them. I am so very proud of her. She is alive when she takes pictures - when she meets with people - when she does good work. Ashley lives so winsomely, she draws me into more of that just by being who she is. It's an adventure to behold.

I watch my friends Tim and Krysten embarking on a 2 year trek to Kuwait. At first glance, it seems like a punishment, not an blessing. But dig deeper - they are going to live cross-culturally, teaching, living adventure as it comes to them.

I watch Devon and Zak move from small-town northern Colorado and take up residence in Queens, NY. Zak works in Manhattan doing graphic design; Devon has spent a year teaching in the inner-city. It's dangerous, but she's always said the kids have great minds. Yes. . . .Dangerous Minds. They're living adventure in the city.

I watch Jerome's heart begin to beat faster when he talks about songwriting. To hear Jerome sing is something that might change your life. He's that good. Adventure.

I watch my sister who is moving to Nashville to pursue a career as a backup singer. Who needs fame and glory? She just wants the "doo wop" and the "oooohs". Adventure.

And in all this I feel a bit tossed about. "Career talk" has always been a bit like falling into the open sea. And I need firm ground to stand on in all this. I yearn for clarity.

So I rest on Christ in this.

Thoughts on Communion

2007-07-23T18:34:00.000-07:00

I've been a Christian since I was seven. I went through a "non-radical" conversion experience, praying with my Dad on the top bunk in San Jose, CA with my sister Annie (who, at this point, is the only person who has ever commented on my blog – Annie, if you have ever met her, is incredibly cool – far more so than me). I've been a "church-goer" all of my life; typically, I've been a "do-gooder" (some will dispute this – they're liars) - I know the Bible okay, lead worship and generally lead a small church service, I pay taxes, am faithful to my wife, love my family, don't embezzle funds from work, and am a good friend to those who want me as their friend.

Yet as I've grown as a man, grown in Christ, grown in knowledge – I'm finding again just how much I don't know.

The sacrament of communion is something that I have always had a pretty hard time understanding. Not cognitively understanding, mind you, but spiritually and emotionally understanding. How does one identify with communion? Body and blood, bread and wine, crackers and juice, whatever – what does it all mean? I've heard Dad say the words of institution before communion probably 200+ times in my life. "…for as often as you eat this bread, and drink this cup, you proclaim the Lord's death until His return".

And I can understand the theology behind it. We remember Christ's death for us – that His body was broken, that His blood was shed – but that ultimately, He rose from death so that all that trust Him might live with Him and through Him forever. The words aren't hard to grasp for me – this has been taught to me since a very young age. But, am I missing something else? After all, communion for most is a very somber time – tears, kneeling, worship. I have never doubted people's hearts surrounding communion times and don't at all judge them – this is simply to say that I have personally always wanted to connect the "head" with the "heart" like it appears that they have. After all, shouldn't the reminder of Christ's death and resurrection be the best news? Shouldn't I, at the very mention of this, fall on my face in worship? If God is real, and if the Bible is His word like I proclaim it is – then shouldn't the truth of the Gospel drive me to my knees? God's grace should never be taken lightly – and I have never meant to take it that way. But only He can illuminate this to my heart.

Leading worship can also (unfortunately) become mundane. Church becomes about church and the "process" of pulling the service off. Ministry, as Crawford LaRitz has spoken, is not about "nickels and noses", it's about intimacy with God. And who should understand that more deeply than the worship leader? Surely the worship leader must get it, right? The guy that has his eyes closed up front? He must really have it together. Let me tell you firmly, I do not.

My mind was swimming with worry – we had 3 out of the 5 "regular" worship band members tell me they couldn't come (including 2 that could be on their way out of it because of stuff unrelated to church – at least for a couple months) which filled my mind with worry about the future of our group; we had what seemed like 4 people at 4:58 which also filled my mind with worry about the stability of the service; we had little boys running all over the place playing before the service which caused some worry; and "performing" music in front of people, by nature, brings out worry in me. The worry built like a symphony of white noise, driving me into a shell where I could function but in a machine-like way.

But, isn't it like the Holy Spirit to calm those storms, even in the midst of my unbelief? My friend Jerome and his wife Jane sat in with us to help us lead worship. And as my dear friend sang "Carried to the Table", it became apparent – this is what communion is about. And the white noise died, God showed up, and subtly showed me a new depth of His love.

I was carried to the table, seated where I don't belong
Carried to the table - swept away by His love
And I don't see my brokenness anymore
When I'm seated at the table of the Lord
I'm carried to the table - the table of the Lord

"Church" faded away. Truth illuminated itself. And as I looked out at the congregation singing, listening, meeting with the Lord, it struck me more deeply: He carries us to His table in community. The people of God, the bride of Christ – saved, rescued, freed, by Him and for Him. Communion is so much more than just remembering Christ's work done for me. It's the paramount work of our Savior for all mankind – He did this for everyone. To my shame, I get so self-focused that it's about me and His saving of me from my sin. He does save me, but my Savior is so much bigger than that.

We're carried to the table – seated where we don't belong – together, with Christ, for eternity. Our Savior, the great Hero of the story, has carried us all there – broken, messed up, lonely, hurting people – seated together in community, with Christ at the head of the table – forever.

Communion reminds me of His death and resurrection.
Communion binds us together in Him.
Communion fuels our future hope.
Communion restores broken relationships.
Communion restores strength today.

And it drives me to worship.

Thoughts on blogs

2007-07-17T18:17:00.000-07:00

I know the question on everyone's mind. Have I ever fancied myself a blogger?

Never.

So, the question begs to be asked: Jeremy, why? (This will, in fact, become the most thought of phrase while reading my blog - it's a guarantee)

Perhaps it's my attempt at being trendy. You all know that I will fail miserably at that. I have never bought even a trinket at Urban Outfitters. I have a super trendy wardrobe from Old Navy. Sweet sweetness.

Perhaps it's my attempt at cultivating "friendships". Yes, the comments I receive will be life changing and deeply formative in my relationship with everyone. No, let's face it, blogs do nothing to further friendships really, besides letting one person read articles by another - while taking up time that could be spent chatting with that friend and thereby cultivating the friendship. (it's like text messaging - why text when you could just talk? IDK. . . .LOL)

I think the real reason I started the blog was simply a spur of the moment decision - fueled also by my desire to type something out; thoughts in my head that I don't want to forget. And later, when I want to forget them, I'll be screwed.

And I'll admit, just the rhythmic typing of the Apple's keyboard brings a sort of relief. Typing is great, when it has nothing to do with work.

So here's a bit about me:

I'm 27, from Kansas City, MO.

I'm married to Ashley - a woman so out of my league that looking at us together proves without a shadow of a doubt that there is a gracious God in heaven who indeed loves me and has a great plan for my life (1st spiritual law - God has given me the greatest woman on earth to live my life with - 6 years married and still in love more each day. Man, that's cool).

I have 2 boys: Micah and Tyler. Micah and Tyler are without a doubt the best kids on the planet. 3 1/2 and 2. You can ask my wife, or her parents, or my parents, or my sisters. . .or anyone. To look at their picture brings such a sense of pride and wonder in me. I don't deserve them - but man I love them so much.

I'm a Christian, which really means that man I love Jesus Christ. I'd do anything for Him and I'm learning to trust Him more. I lead worship for a tiny church service who make up my spiritual family. I'm okay at the guitar.

I am in between jobs because I quit mine last week and will be done on July 26. Please note: I do not like office work. I'm about to start working construction - and I couldn't be happier.

My interests: hiking and camping, when I can; baseball, football, basketball; running, working out.

TV Shows: The Office, Scrubs, Arrested Development, 24, Lost, Grays Anatomy (for my wife).

Books: currently reading The Chronicles of Narnia.

My first post is done and I guarantee they won't be this long often.

I do have to admit, I have enjoyed posting the blog. . . .oh crap, am I now a blogger? One of "those people"?

Jeremy, why?